Tuesday night thoughts....

My brain rattles.

I'm supposed to be sleeping but I'm not. Instead, I'm awake. I'm worried. I'm fearful. I'm losing hope.

The things I thought would happen have not.
My hopes have remained hopes and my dreams have not yet been fulfilled.

So I think of Abraham. He was told of the promise and he held onto that hope even though it took many, many, many years.

We both serve the same God.
The same God gave him the strength to hold on.

Will the same God grant me the same strength?
He gives as there is need. I am needy. He will provide.

I trust You, Jesus.


Wrecked Faith

I bought a car a month ago.

4 weeks later, my car was wrecked and totaled.

I've been through doubt and faith and back again over and over these past couple of weeks.

Doubt that I'll find another car. Faith that I will.
Doubt that if I had taken a different path, it would've turned out better. Faith that if God didn't want it to happen, it wouldn't have.
Doubt that He will come through. Faith that He will.

It's a journey. And it's hard. It's messy and it's beautiful.


Sometimes my faith soars and many times it falters. It's that feeling of energy in the morning... the trust and the hope that God is doing something amazing. It's also that feeling of dread and fear and panic... that maybe faith isn't quite worth it and maybe it's really not there... so certain that maybe it's not. Faith can be quite good or quite bad depending on who you listen to... the dark or the Light.

The first few days after the crash, faith was hard. I was down, sad. Then, God changed my perspective. He gave a gift. Faith. My eyes shown bright again. Joy followed my steps. And the words in His pages were sung over my life.

This is what it's all about. The glorifying of the Father in the dark... when He hung on a tree and died. The glorifying of the Father in the dark... when tears were all I could find, and yet praise rose from my throat.


It's a hard journey, but He is in this journey and that is where I find comfort to keep going.



A new breeze blows.

Follow Me. Love Me. Glorify Me. Find life.

Sin lures.

Chase us. We're fun. Do it. He'll forgive you.

A choice is made.

Follow. Obey. Listen. 

But who?

The glory of the moment of the glory of eternity.

One will last forever and one will lead to eternal damnation.

The Spirit still calls.

I choose you. I forgive you. Come. Come to Me. All who are weary. I will give you rest.

Rest sounds good when sin has left us empty. And it always leaves us empty. Don't forget the emptiness. Don't let it crawl back into your mind that sin matters more... it's more "fun". It also will make you sick and lead to death.

Go. Run. Run into His arms and run away from that sin. His promises are true and far better than the empty promises sin seems to keep making. Choose life. 



It's over. Here we go again. 

My thoughts paced back and forth. In between the stress and the tears and the fears, came doubt.

I've been here before.

In this place where the storm clouds are high above my head just settling there. Waiting for me to move so they can follow. Because no matter how hard I've tried,  they still follow me.

And so I remember what to do. I force myself out of this place, out of this fear, and I pray, despite the subtle lies, I pray. I journal, take a walk/run with some praise music to the King, and I pray some more.
I fell asleep praying, woke up praying, spent the day praying.... and forgot slightly about the nightmare that was looming around me.

I can't lie. I'm still worried and afriad and annoyed and angry and doubtful at times. The storm clouds have grown lighter, but they haven't moved yet. Depression, stress, and fatigue are threatening to overtake me.

I'm scared.


He did the impossible before and I trust Him to do it again. It's not over. No, the fight is still being won.


War Room - review

So if you haven't seen the trailers, the Lifeway promotions or gotten an email about it, there's a new movie out by the Kendrick brothers called,War Room. I have not seen it yet, but I had the pleasure of getting a free copy of the book to review. So without further a do, here's my review...

First off, let me say that I used to think that fiction books weren't "Christian enough" to read. Ya' know what I'm saying? Like, how could you possibly learn the things of God (ummm... Jesus used parables... yeah my little brain didn't think about that till later.) by reading about fake stories? That was my mindset for a while until I read some things on C.S. Lewis and Tolkien. Mind = changed.

War Room has been a book that God has used to slowly change my heart towards my sweetheart. This book revolves around the lives of Elizabeth, her husband Tony, their daughter Danielle, and Miss Clara. Elizabeth and Tony are encountering marriage problems but when the Lord brings Miss Clara into their lives, everybody is changed, not by Miss Clara, but by the Lord.

The power of prayer is hugely a part of this book. I must say that God has shown me how belief vs. doubt is a battle in what we choose pray for. Sometimes doubt can be the very thing that propels us toward prayer and furthermore, belief.

I have so enjoyed reading this book. It is a page turner, a faith encourager, and just an all around great read. It does have some adult situations so parents keep that in mind when thinking about this book for your children. I would place the age group to 16yrs and up.

I'm thankful that Tyndale let me review this book. Such a good read! Recommended to all married couples.

*Note: I received a free copy in exchange for a review. All views expressed are mine.


For The Love

Humor. Truth. Honesty. Humor. Real. Encouraging. Did I mention funny?

For the love by Jen Hatmaker is one book that you will want to read and re-read (at least for me and I don't do that with very many books) for years to come. Yes, it's that good.

I read her first book, 7, and was extremely pleased with it. When I saw this come out I signed up very quickly to review it.

I read this book in a few days. It's so easy to read with the funny thank-yous at the end of each section and the truth that is put concisely, but so powerfully throughout. With chapters on church issues and wearing leggings as pants (yes, you read that right), you won't get bored with this one.

I cannot recommend this book enough. Whether you're a Christian or not, I think anyone would enjoy this book. Ladies, if you need an effortless read, go grab it!

Note: I received a free copy of this book in exchange for a review.


I want to know him

Book stacked on top of book.
Journal. Pen.
Different translations of the Word.

My heart.
Cluttered yet clean.
Restless, yet at peace.

Those books, all those Christian literature, are not there so I can mark it off my Christian checklist. These are because I truly want to know God.

No, no. Not know more about Him. I want to know Him.

Those books teach me more of who He is and more of who I am. What a blessing it is to read someone else's sentence and know you're not alone.

That journal? It's there so I can sing His praises and tell Him my sorrows. It's there to celebrate the joys and remember the hard times. I look back and see His faithfulness and my sinfulness. I look back and see His goodness and my joy in it.

The Word. There are many translations... I need the ones that speak clearly to me. The ones that aren't in some crazy code that I have to figure out to know what He says. No, I need the ones that make you dig a little, but not so much that you can't clearly understand what He says.

I mess up every single day. This life is hard and my sin makes it harder. Romans 7 was meant for me. Indeed, I am the worst sinner and He is the great Savior.

I may act like a Pharisee at times, but today I just want to know Him.


The beast returning...

I felt it in the early morning.

The beast. Awakened yet again. The gloom and darkness pulls so heavy.

Go back to sleep.
Roll over. 
Close your eyes. 
Pray. Don't give in. 
Those are lies. Don't listen to them! 
Oh... it's gonna be a day. Just hold on.

The thoughts are always swirling.

But the thoughts? The thoughts I can deal with through God. The feelings though? Those are much harder to turn away from. The anxiety, the depression... oh yes. I know those too well. The lies from Satan, the lies from the past, the lies in the present... all congregate to the bottom of my stomach and the inside of my heart.

They seep through the crevices and then decide to explode. Causing not only my head to spin, but my heart to plummet as well.

Oh, God. Lord, it's dark. It's scary. It's hard to explain. I know You see. I l know you hear. I know You're here.

Tell that to your heart. Tell that to your mind. Speak it. Sing it. Know it. Believe it. Darkness cannot overcome light. 

Jesus, help me. 


The beauty of ugly

Today was ugly.

I am talking, sweating in the car (because it is definitely 100 degrees outside), makeup running down my face (because I was crying and sweating... yep. At the same time. UGLY.) I said a few cuss words that I SO wish I could take back. I got mad about nothing. It was bad.

The Lord is gracious.

Was my Father sad about how I acted? Totally. He was probably disappointed too.

But He is gracious.

He has blessed me with a gracious person who loves me far more than I deserve. He has blessed with the knowledge that even when I fail, H i s love NEVER does.

Today was ugly. Yes. But it was also beautiful. I was reminded in the form of truth spoken gently by the Holy Spirit and by the love of one of the most faithful people, that though I fail, love  n e v e r  does.

Wow. Thank You, Lord!!!!



I like fashion. A lot. I like the thrill of buying a new outfit and the anticipation of wearing it. I enjoy a great skinny jean paired with a flowy top that makes the two pieces look just right. To me, there is nothing wrong with that... to a point.
As I was reading my devotional this morning this particular verse stood out to me.

Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. - Colossians 3:12 



Familiar to me and yet as easy as it is for to get dressed in the morning, it is quite hard for me to find these five characteristics to put on each day. Oh, get dressed? Yes, I can do that. Be nice? Be compassionate? Be humble? Hmmm... me? No, not so much.

For me personally, humility is key to all of the Christ-likeness I desire. I sometimes choose to clothe myself with greed and envy or pride rather than choosing the beautiful things that would reflect the heart of my Savior to a world that does not know Him.

Lets be real. I still need to know Him. EVERY SINGLE DAY. That is part of the reason why sin is so harsh in my life at times. Because I still do not treasure as I should. But that is another topic for another day.

Humility is hard. I have flesh. I like to be right. I like to look smart. I like to be a smart-alec. I like to be the center of the show. I want all eyes on me. Am I the only one? I hope not. But even so, that doesn't change my sinfulness.

Why should I clothe myself with these 5 things? And better yet, how on earth am I going to do that?

Well, first things first, I need to be clothed in these five things because as child of  God, He tells me this is how I need to be. Notice I said the word be and not act. If we focus merely on the outward appearance we will see results, yes, but only for a short while and then afterwards we will be left with the remnants of the ever famous attempt-but-fail Christian walk. No, I need my heart to be like this. Holy. Pure. This side of Heaven it may look dark, but each day He renews and redeems us to look more like Him.

Second, to be able to do anything or all things, we must look to Christ who is our strength. I am not naturally good at any of the attributes listed above. In fact, I think I am best at the exact opposite of each of those words... I am quite good at pride, apathy, meanness, and I am NOT good with patience at all.

So while reading this verse this morning I was humbled and encouraged and challenged. Not only will I clothe myself in that nice dress that I bought for less than $10, but looks better than $10 this morning (am I bragging? ;) ), but I will also be praying for God to clothe me in compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. I want to be more like Him and look more like Him.

Oh how thankful I am for those moments where my heart is as it should be! Thank you, Highest Father!!!

What will you ask the Father to clothe you with today or this week? Let us pray over each other together for our hearts to become more like His. Yeah?