So throughout all the trials of this week; the battle's both in my mind and the world, my joy seemed to be gone for a little bit. I didn't understand. I thought surely my faith in the Lord was stronger than a few tiny issues but I have realized that my faith needs to be much, much stronger (there is always room for improvement and growth). Anywho, so my joy was not there and I was praying asking God why my joy seemed to be gone and then I remembered something my pastor said a few weeks ago, "When you are living in sin or have refused to give something over to the Lord the first thing He will do is take away your joy." You might disagree with that, but I agree fully. And so I began thinking and it didn't take too long for me to realize that indeed there were a couple things I hadn't given over to the Lord.
Once I figured out what was going on, I then became very upset with myself and very angry. How is it that even when we know God loves us so much and gave His Son up for us that we still continue to live lives that aren't pleasing to Him? I thought about that for a while and you know what God showed me? Two things, the first was this verse...
"There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit." -Romans 8:1 (emphasis mine)
and the second thing was God showed me that sometimes I think of His love as human love. Finite, conditional, only happy when you do everything exactly as you should. That made me cry. Then, He told me, "I love you. No matter what you do, how you live, how messed up you are, I love you. I am disappointed and hurt when you choose another path other than mine because I know that it will only lead you further away from Me and that's not what I want for you." That also made me cry. Haha :)
What I want to remind you is God loves you. Read that again. God loves you. Believe it, because its the truth. He loves you just as you are and He doesn't care what you have done in your past. He wants you right. now. In this very moment. Give your life to Him, stop living in the land of tomorrow. He will change you in the best of ways and you'll live life how it was meant to be lived. Give yourself completely to Him and let Him have His way, His ways are far better than our own. :) God bless you!