9.28.2011

Breaking My Heart....

It's not okay. No, it's just not.
Everybody tells me, "You can only do so much." but my Bible says I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength. So which am I to believe?
I'm told you can be "too extreme" in things and that that's not how God wants us to live our lives. Really? I beg to differ.
See, I feel, think and to an extent know, that God does not want me to be okay with living my life for me and only me... comfortably.
If I am comfortable, what is wrong with me? Why am I comfortable because according to Jesus Christ and His true followers, we are not to be comfortable.

I'm tired. Period. End of story.
There are days I don't want to do this, live this life, for the Lord. I want to sulk. I want to look at my life and cry because everything is "so messed up".
I want to point at the areas I'm unhappy with and have them changed right then. Guess what?! If I did that all day everyday my focus would be shifted drastically. To what you ask? To me.

Jesus said take up your Cross daily. Did you catch that? Daily. That means every single day. Dying is not a fun thing, but what does the Cross symbolize? Death. Gruesome, no fun, kill my flesh death. That my friend is a true follower of Jesus. Not the person who comes to church every Wednesday and Sunday, or the person who put 20 buck in the offering plate, the truest follower of Christ is the one who says, "Lord, kill my flesh today, and live through me."

I've realized my death must come each morning. It is something I have to do, must do, every single day. Even when I don't feel like it because my death in myself is how I have true, everlasting, the most satisfying life ever.

My heart aches. Be careful when you ask God to break your heart for what breaks His. He will do it. I see children every single day that are starving. I see people who throw themselves in and out of relationships as if both parties are nothing. I see elderly people, neglected and lonely, and nobody is doing a freaking thing! Everyone is seeing the same things.. all those Christians sitting next to me on Sunday.. we are doing nothing. What is wrong with us? How can we even begin to call ourselves Christians when we don't even have the Father's heart? "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you." (James 4:7-8 check it!)

I am done being secure. Being comfortable. Being okay with the things I see, diverting my focus back to myself because I don't truly care. My heart hurts. I am hurting and it's a hurt that can't be fixed or covered up. It just keeps coming back and that's when I know that this hurt, all that I'm feeling is from the Lord, not me or satan. My Jesus wants me to do something. What you might ask? Well... I don't know yet, but I'm praying and I know I have to do something soon. I can't sit back and watch my brothers and sisters perish anymore. It is breaking my heart.
God is breaking my heart. Is He doing the same to you??

2 comments:

  1. Tara~i've been a christian for many years now, and i am where you are (in this post). my "walk" has been inconsistent...hot and cold...yo-yo-like. God is teaching me that the only way to experience daily transformation is through absolute committment to Him, and Him alone. Compassion is another quality He is impressing upon my heart. If we lack compassion, we ought to ask God to help us develop it. We can learn a lot from Jesus; compassion is His very nature.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Amen!! Yes, one thing that's helped me a lot has been seeing that when I really and truly find delight and happiness in my Savior I see how empty the promises of sin really are. Praying for holy detestation of sin in your life and that we'll both walk consistenly with the Lord leaving our old ways of life behind. Thanks for stopping by! :) I encourage you to read Galations 5:16-18. Good stuff! Blessings!

      Delete

What ya' got to say? :)