For Real?


We all lie, and if say you aren't.... please. Quit lying! ;)

One thing I've found pretty interesting... nobody "gets real".
We are all pretending.
We are all hiding behind a mask... something we don't want anyone to see or know.

I've been there, done that. I've just now figured out how to take off the mask for good and simply be. And it's still hard to maintain and continue just being who He wants me to be and not pretending like everyone else.

One thing I found myself doing was not just lying to people, or "pretending" but also lying to myself and shamefully, lying to God. As if I could ever hide anything from Him.

There was a time in my life not long ago, that I spent quite a while trying to please people and not being myself. I listened to lies not only from others; such as "you need to "grow up", I also got lies from satan like "you'll never amount to anything." "nobody loves you." blah blah. Most importantly they were all LIES.

Side note: Don't listen to satan because he is the king of all liars (the Word says so) and if anyone ever tells you to "grow up", not because they are seeking your good but wanting to degrade you, just say what I do... "I don't want to. I'm proud to be a child of God."

Why are people afraid to go deep? Our culture only goes straight to the surface and if you attempt to go any deeper, people stop you saying you're being a "downer" or the annoying response, "stop searching and just live!" That's the worst.

When do you get to the point that you're done with being satisfied with surface things and want to go deeper? Want to search? I don't have an exact time or age, but I would say that time is right now for me. Maybe it's right now for you. Maybe you should do some soul searching. Mere suggestions. Only you can truly answer those questions.

The other night, I sat down, before the Lord, worship music playing, lights turned off, Bible opened and just began praying and seeking. Seeking for what's missing. Seeking for why I am not satisfied with life as it is now and the Lord began saying to me that it's because He is not my everything. If my heart's desires are the same as His, if my wants are the same as His, if my love is the same as His I believe I will be satisfied, but to get there means to go through being unsatisfied with my life, my self, my everything, to find that His life, His self, His everything is true and satisfying and can never be taken from me no matter what.

I'm tired of me. Like physically tired and emotionally tired of me. I want Him. I need Him. I want His realness, trueness, love, faithfulness to be mine. I am His, He is mine. That must describe me. Define me.

Stop pretending. Sit down. Get away from the computer, your phone, anything that might distract you, and figure out what you want. Better yet, figure out what God wants for you (because He can think of things that are so much better than you can think of!!) It's time to take off the mask, stop pretending like you like everything everyone else likes, and figure out what's best for you and the Lord. Figure out what He wants for you. Stop believing the lies. Be real. Be His. Love y'all! :)


Like a child... open your eyes and trust

Tonight has been a lovely night spent with the Lord in prayer and worship and reading His Word.

I highly recommend spending a good hour or longer one night a week at least (in addition to your quiet time) to just sit in His presence and unwind. :)

So as I was just enjoying time with the Father, He began to speak to me. First through a song, where He was telling me that He cares for all my pain, all the things I've gone through and will go through, and He's not angry (I too sometimes forget who He truly is and think He's angry with the choices I've made) because He cares for me.

Then, He then led me to 1 Peter 5:7 which says, "Cast all your cares on Him for He cares for you." Wow... so I can just let go of all the stuff that's been bothering me, or weighing on my shoulders and He'll take care of it? Yes, He most certainly will.

After that, I read Psalm 131 which talks about a childlike spirit.

And that got me.

God began speaking to me and showing me my life. He was telling me about how down I've been, how I've lost my wonder at all His creations and love and I've lost the newness He's given me because I have allowed the world to tear me down.

He began telling me that He said He has overcome the world and will help me do the same. He told me that if I opened my eyes, I would see the beauty around me. And so I did. I opened my eyes and began to tear up.


Because I just experienced my Savior in yet another way. And you know what? It was beautiful.
My Savior... He is so beautiful.

Open your eyes. Stop worrying about that job you really want, that school you want to get in to, whether that girl or that guy will ever come into your life, and just trust Him as a daughter trusts her father and mother.

Trust that He really does love and care for you and will work everything out for your very good.

Open your eyes.

Look around, see the beauty God has placed around us, allow yourself to be in awe if only for a few minutes. Be a child.

I am proud to say I am a child of God. I love you all!! :)


A psalm of gratitude...

Without You, I am weak.
With You, I am strong.

Without You, I am evil.
With You, I am good.

Without You, I am lost.
With You, I am found.

Without You, I know no love.
With You, I am loved.

Without You, I am seeking.
With You, I need seek no more.

Without You, I am empty.
With You, I am filled.

Without You, I am thirsty.
With You, I am satisfied.

Without You, I am lonely.
With You, I am content.

Without You, I am hurting.
With You, my pain is covered.

Without You, I am sick.
With You, I am healed.

Without You, I was crying.
With You, You wipe away my tears.

Without You, I was unknown.
With You, I am known by You.

Without You, I am afraid.
With You, I have no fear.

Something I wrote to the Lord tonight. How great and marvelous He is!!! Praise Abba!! :)


Are You Happy Now?

She doesn't look like you.
He is a "freak".
They are flipping weird.

Let's not pretend.. these are just a few of the things we say about people that we don't like or don't want to be around.
Not you, eh? Hmm... might want to double check.
I'm not pointing the finger, I didn't think this was me either. Then I went looked in the mirror (not for real, figurartively ;) and found out, yes, it is me.

See, the majority of people don't like the "different" people. You know, the kids are school, the people are work that just... weird, different or in your words "not right". Me... well that's not my style. I like being friends with those people some find "weird" because under all that is a beautiful person, but popular people.. snooty people... ohhh these are the people I just can't. stand!!
They drive me insane. And I find myself wishing they'd go mute so I didn't have to hear them talk about how "cool" they are or how "perfect" their lives are because really.. they are just lying to themselves and me.

I am learning to love everyone as Jesus loves me.
If I could have one wish it would be that it would be easy, but I know that as my heart becomes more like the heart of God, then I will find loving all easier than before, not that it will ever be that easy.

My challenge to myself this week and you is to love EVERYONE, regardless of whether they are annyoing, weird, mean, whatever.
Just simply love.

Check out this video by Megan & Liz, it's really good and I find the video to be very true and very good.
Let's stop bullying and picking and choosing who to love and shine the Light of Christ to everyone :) Love y'all! Have a blessed Wednesday!

Physically ill....

I am physically ill.
People may not look at me and say, "she's sick.", but I am.
What has made me ill?
The things around me. What my eyes have seen.
I am tired of this comfortable life.
People don't understand that this world has nothing to offer me... or anybody else for that matter.
I have watched shows where babies have been left alone on the street to fend for themselves, where people who have died are thrown into a pit and buried with who knows what else around them.
I have read stories about people who are poor and follow the Lord with absolutely everything they've got, radical people who leave their lives behind in order to find that true life in Christ, and I have read stories about people who would be KILLED if anyone found out that they are a Christian.

And I find myself tired of reading stories and watching shows... I want to experience life at it's fullest and oddly enough to others, I feel like leaving my comfortable life to something else would be very fullfilling.
If it be God's will, I know He will point my feet in the direction I am to go in and move.

This life is my Lord's, not mine. I am through with living for myself, Jesus, take my life and live through me!


Conviction by my own mouth...

Have you ever had those moments where you're talking to someone and you convict yourself?
No? Yes? Yeah, well it happened like five minutes ago.

Recently I've been having problems with certain people.. some people just seem to like drama and cause it ALL the time. Sometimes I think certain people just do it to get attention and so I've been really irritated at these people.

How in the world could they starve for attention so badly that they would spend their whole life trying to get it?

That's a good question. And while I was thinking about this I came across one of the people that annoys me... and they were upset about something again... but this time I started crying. I was crying for them and with them. Why? Because God softened my heart towards them just then and I saw what they must be seeing all the time. I saw their pains, hurts, wants, desires... (that never seem to come) and for the first time my heart was moved in compassion for them.

How often do we get irritated with people and annoyed with people because we think they are "putting on" when actually they are just hurting REALLY bad?

My challenge to myself.. stop being annoyed and irritated and mad at people and just love them like Jesus loves us.

We all want love.
We all want attention.
We all want someone to desire us and want us.
We all want someone to notice us.

Some people don't know that Jesus notices them and loves them and wants them... one day they will hopefully.. but until then it's our job to show them His love.

God, let them see Your eyes in mine, Your love through my love, and how much You truly want them through everything I say and do. Amen.


No More Sitting Around...

People have no vision today. Everyone is fine with living in the right now. Looking at what you can see right. now. And that's okay.. because Jesus said for us to live for today because we never know if tomorrow comes. But I never saw where Jesus said, don't hope for the future, don't dream, just be content with how everything is right now.

That's what I'm saying. I'm not alright.
Are you hearing me???! I AM NOT ALRIGHT.
My heart is burdened. I'm not fine with the people around me going to hell and what am I doing? Nothing.
No, my heart has been in pain so much these past few weeks... why? Because all I keep seeing everywhere is these people who I don't know, but I love deeply. These people who have eyes that show pain, happiness, sorrow, anger, hurt, etc. All I can think is, God how can I be the tool You use, so that they find You?

Last night I watched a documentary on missions... these two missionaries were in Haiti... as I'm watching my heart is breaking. Breaking! For these people... I see a child walking around naked because his family is no where around. I see bodies from the earthquake being put into pits in the ground and having dirt dumped on top of them. I see pain in faces. I also see people worshipping God. Loving on Him, and praising Him despite the things they've gone through.

These people don't just live in Haiti.. there are plenty of people, probably right next door who are hurting. They are seeking something, someone who will heal this hurt and you know Who can! Why aren't you saying anything?!
I'm speaking to myself.

I can't take this anymore. I can't sit still, doing nothing, being okay with the world around me.
I must be patient, take it one day at a time, but I can't take "one day at a time" as... "let me be lazy for one more day and then I'll do something."
No!! It just means following God's voice little by little, bit by bit, until this world is radically different.

We, you and me, by God's Almighty hand can change this world. Not because He needs us, but because He wants us.
Your life really does count. Killing yourself, leaving this earth is not and never will be the answer until Jesus comes to take you and me Home.
As hard as life can be (definitely know it can be HARD), God is bigger and greater than any struggle or problem on this earth.
He loves us more than any person ever could, any girl or guy, won't you believe that?! HE LOVES YOU!!!

I'm done with being comfortable. Life is not fun for me when I'm comfortable. I sought comfort in the world for a while and you wanna know what? It never came. I found Jesus and suddenly, I have peace, and joy, and comfort. If that's really want you want, look no further than Jesus Christ Himself. He IS everything.

Do you wanna change the world? Don't think you can? Go ask God, I know He'll tell you, "Nothing is impossible with Me." Trust Him. Love y'all! :)


Discrimination & Thoughts...

"That's so gay."

That's what I heard spoken about an ugly shirt the other day. It made me mad. Very mad.
See I don't agree at all with the lifestyles gays live. I know it against God's will and plan for us.
But I "hate the sin and love the sinner." Or at least try my best to. I mean I'm not better than that person.
I've had my fair share of sins in my life. None is any greater or any worse. They just are... sin.

People say things like that all the time. I've even heard it at church. Not to point fingers and say, "look at what you're doing." but seriously? No wonder people don't wanna come to church. Our church is full of a bunch of hypocrites!

I'm so tired of racism, discrimination, exclusion. It bothers the heck out of me!
I don't care what your skin color is, how many babies you have, or what you're lifestyle is now other than I want you to know the Lord and truly have LIFE.
That is all. If being gay, having sex outside of marriage, partying all day and night didn't affect your salvation, I wouldn't have any problem.
(Just so you know, God loves you and so do I!!)

Mark Hall once said a quote similar to this, "People go where they are accepted. The bars are full, how about your church?" Boom! That's like a slap in the face to me. The bars are full and people just sit in judgement saying that that's just people who have a problem. But if you really think about what the problem is, it's not that they are have a severe drinking problem because they like the taste of alcohol. No, that might be a cover up to the real problem and that problem is is that they are looking for love. And people look everywhere for that love, not realizing it cannot be found in a human being. Let me repeat that... true love, the love you are seeking, cannot be found in a human being.

I had to learn that the hard way. I sought many people... many things and never understood until 3 years ago that Jesus. He is the One I've been seeking my whole life.
The awesome thing is Jesus, He's been seeking US for eternity!
The question is, are you gonna seek and pursue Him back?

God loves you no matter what. That's not me repeating something I've heard my whole life, no that is the Truth! No matter what you've done (had sex, done drugs, stolen something, lied about something, or killed somebody). Will you believe it? Will you accept Him? Will you pursue Him? He is always holding you. Never forget that.
He NEVER fails.  Love you all!! Be blessed! :)


"Come. Walk with Me."

I closed my eyes. As I closed my eyes I began to see, this is what the Holy Spirit showed me:

I saw Jesus standing before me saying, "Come. Walk with Me."
I took His hand and we began our walk. First, we were walking in a beautiful garden with flowers, birds, and pure beauty all around.
After staying there a while things began to change.
We began walking again, but this time the beauty was fading and there was a storm. I was afraid.
Jesus said to me, "Do not fear. I got you. Just keeping holding my hand... holding on to Me."
But fear gripped me so much that I dropped His hand and ran as fast as I could.
I took a few wrong turns and found myself lost.
I kept walking down this lonely, dark road and then I see my Jesus standing at the end... holding out His hand.
I was tired, broken, beaten, and bruised.
He told me He would give me rest. He said He would heal me, so I grasped His hand so tightly and said, "Never let me go."
He replied, "My dear, I never did."

God revealed this to me tonight. I pray it touches your heart the way He touched mine. I love y'all!


Cheer On!!

Living in the South you get accustomed to things.
You say yes ma'am and no ma'am. Yes sir and no sir. You open the door for people. And you watch football every Saturday.
Right now there are TONS of people all over watching their favorite team. Screaming at the tv, yelling for their favorite team, hoping they pull out a win. And if they don't? Well you don't wanna see that. It's not pretty.
Now don't get me wrong, I like football just as much as the next person. But it is not my life. Not at the least.
My life is found in Christ.
I find it terribly difficult to cry over my team losing a football game when I'm watching people lose in life.
I could sit back, eat some food, and scream and yell for my team all day, but afterwards what have I accomplished?
What if people cheered one another on as passionately as they cheer on their team?
What if people followed Jesus and loved Him as passionately as they love that team and follow them?
I imagine the world would look radically different. The South certainly would. Not to say it looks awful now, but doesn't look like it could/can.
I don't like to settle. I've never liked it. Something about the word just sounds... boring. Lifeless. Not fun.
So naturally in my walk with Christ I never want to settle. To be satisfied with the same every single day. I want to continue to grow and become better today than I was yesterday.
Part of learning and living is figuring out what matters and counts. Right now, like seriously, RIGHT NOW, I want you to think about; maybe even list out, the things and people you say matter and count to you. Now look over that and see, is there anything that matters to you that maybe isn't that important? And are there things people you should care about? Why don't you?
I want us to encourage one another and cheer each other on toward Christ and His desires for us every day. Nothing wrong with cheering for a team, but when the team becomes more important than the people there is a problem. Don't let satan win.
We win this fight in the end. Not because of us, but because of Christ. Cheer on loves!!! :)