11.06.2011

Raw honesty...

Judgement.

I see it all around me. At home, at church, at the store, in myself... it's everywhere.

I hate it. I hate feeling like I'm being judged, but if you really want to make me angry (my blood... yeah I think it actually does boil) judge someone who's around me.
I don't have to know them personally, if you call them a "slut", say a racial slur towards them, make fun of them because of who they truly are... we are gonna have problems. Promise.

I don't want it to be this way. I don't want to get really angry, but you know what? I am really angry.

I'm angry that people feel like they can't come to church because the people there are too judgemental.
I'm angry that satan has been lying to every person around me (and not).
I'm angry that there are people all over the earth that kill themselves because they think life isn't worth it.
I'm angry that people are excluded at the one place they should be accepted.

I'm just angry. Is it godly anger? I'm not sure. Maybe. Maybe not.
I know for sure that I'm angry.

Earlier I was so frustrated with people around me gossiping about others.
Guess what my solution was? To gossip right back about them!
How freaking messed up is that? To do the same wrong they did?! What?!

I can't do this on my own.
I've tried... many times in fact. Over and over and over.
Living life by myself never, ever works (the one time applying never and it being absolutely correct).

I need God. I need Him to the point that it hurts. Not in a bad way (sometimes because my flesh is so weak) but... like when you want someone so bad that it hurts you because you love them so much.. yeah, that hurt.

God is getting ready to do something big, I just know it. However, I believe He still preparing me for that and recently I've been closing the door right in His face. Then complaining that I can't see or hear or feel Him. Stupid me.

This is a time of testing for me.
I'm being completely real, honest, and open with you guys right now. If you're going through testing too remember, satan will attack your strengths because once those are out of the way, you're pretty much done.
We've got to stay strong. We've got to accept God's help and keep believing. If you close your heart to God, you might as well close the casket because you are dead. He can bring you to life. He IS life. Think about it...

Do you want life or death?

If you are struggling like me (really who isn't?) leave me a comment so I can pray for you! Prayers from you guys would be welcomed too! :) Love you all!


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