12.31.2011

What I Learned in 2011: Never give up!

2011 brought many, many trials and tests. I failed so many of them. However, I did win a few with the help of my Savior. :)

In 2011 I learned to never give up.

I've always been the type of person who knew what I wanted and did absolutely everything in my power to get what I wanted. That was, until my teenage years hit. Suddenly everything went down hill. I no longer wanted anything simply because I wanted it. It had to be what everyone else liked and desired. Then I would like and desire it too. I lost my drive. Mostly because the things I was forcing myself to like were things I was not passionate about. No passion = no drive. No drive = going nowhere.

This year throughout all the trails and tests I learned what I did want. What I liked. I learned that I love Jesus a lot. I learned that I want what He wants and truly that all my passion and desires are found in Him. I learned that when I'm passionate about what He's passionate about, the world changes.

There came a time this year.. around May I think, that life seemed to be going nowhere for me. I was so beyond ready to give up. I contemplated taking my life. I called a couple people hoping they'd talk me out of it. Got the usual, "Pray through it. You're in my prayers." and don't get me wrong, now I see how Awesome God is and how powerful He is, but at that moment I was thinking anything but that. I did what they told to anyways. I prayed. I was so tired. Emotionally I was worn out. My body was tired. Everything within me was just ready to go to sleep and never wake up.

BUT GOD, He did something within me. He told me not to give up. To keep pushing. To keep pursuing Him. To stop trying to be perfect and to just be in Him. To show my brokenness, hopelessness, hatred, tears, all of that, and lay it down at His feet. I did just that. My life will never be the same.

We are about to start a new year. I'm thankful that 2012 will be fresh and new and I'm positive and hopeful it will be even better than this year. However, you don't have to wait for a new year to change. I think we all do that too often.

You might be tired. Really tired. And life may seem like it's not worth living. Like it's not worth. Like there is too much going on for you to ever possibly get through it. Those are all lies! Satan is the father of lies! Don't believe him. You have a purpose and plan on this earth. God has got you. Let Him love you. Let Him lead you. You will never regret following Him. Ever.

Happy New Years Eve everyone! Have a blessed and safe one! ^.^

12.30.2011

What I Learned in 2011: Everyone has a story

The man at the coffee shop. That girl at the gym. The "thug" on the side of the road. The homeless man under the bridge. The single mother across the street.

In 2011 I learned everyone has a story.

We think that some of the people we come in contact with are just rude people. Some people are. However, I try and remember that you never know what a person might be going through. Or what they went through to get where they are. Maybe that cashier at Walmart is grumpy because before he came to work he found out that he has cancer. Or maybe the lady that seems to be all up in your business is just checking up on you because she's been down the same path before. You never know.

It's so easy to "judge a book by it's cover". To take one look at a person label them. This year I have been taken on a journey. I have lived life for myself (before) and now I live for the Lord. I have been the girl who judged others. I have been the girl other people judged by the 'evil' things she's done. Which is why I really try to make sure I don't do that to other people.

It hurts when people don't even get to know you and they're talking about you behind your back. I see stories of people committing suicide. I had a friend do so earlier in the year. How much pain must you be going through to do that? Did anybody care? Were there a lot of glances exchanged every time he or she walked into a room?

Everyone has a story. You have a story. Whether you've been told or not, you have a purpose on this earth. Your story matters. Your life matters. God has something very specific for you to do. I don't know what it is and you might not know what it is, but that doesn't mean your purpose is any less significant because God knows. He'll reveal to you what you are to do at the right time. Don't believe the lies. You do have a purpose.

Before you go judging someone, why don't you remember that they may be going through something really hard right now. Spread the love. Share the love. Pray for them. Pray with them.

Have a blessed Friday!  :)

12.29.2011

What I Learned in 2011: God is my first love

I want love. I want to be loved every day of my life. For a while, I just wanted a guy to love me. The beginning of this year I was begging God to let me have just one relationship with a guy. I got what I wanted. Love from a human being doesn't satisfy.

In 2011 I learned that God is my first love.

For years I have sought love from a male. Maybe it's because my father was never active or present in my life. Maybe it's because we are born with the desire to be loved by the opposite sex. Whatever the reason, that desire grew a little more each year.

When we begin to seek love from anything or anyone other than God we are getting ourselves into trouble. I lost... left my First Love for 7 months. I went out into the world and I found all that I was hoping to find, except it wasn't what I thought it was. Everything I found just wasn't enough. It didn't satisfy me, it didn't help me, it didn't fill me up or help me spill over all that's within me. I was so lost.

God didn't give up on me though. God never gives up on us no matter what. He is the constant pursuer. You'd think that with the great amount of love He gives us, we wouldn't run away. I mean, I don't know of any guy that would love me even when I spat in His face. Ohhhh, but Jesus does. ^.^ <3

I came back to my Lord. Broken and in need of major healing. He welcomed me back with hugs and kisses and for the first time I really and truly felt love. Not only did I feel it, but I wasn't second guessing whether it was real, or enough, or even there. No. Because God's love is very real and authentic and forever. His love satisfies me more and more each day. His love has filled me up so much that it just spills over into every area of my life. I am learning to love people with and through His love, not my own.

My desire for a man is still there. I haven't given up hope that God might have someone out there for me to marry. However, I'm not running out trying to find a guy to fill the void anymore. The void is filled. My heart is filled. My life is filled. Everything I ever hoped for has been found in my Savior. I am so thankful.

You might be seeking love. Chances are if you don't know Jesus, you are. My prayer... the cry of my heart is that you seek Him and His love and not love from a girl or from a guy. God is our First Love. Our Forever Love. He never leaves and never fails. Even an amazing husband or wife will fail. Not our Lord. We cannot love truly until we know Love itself and that is God.

"And we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and the one who remains in love remains in God, and God remains in him." - 1 John 4:16

That's my prayer for us all. Have a blessed day! :)

12.28.2011

What I Learned In 2011: How to forgive & ask forgiveness

For the first 12 years of my life I withheld forgiveness from every person who had ever hurt me. No lie. No joke. I didn't know that it was only hurting me. That these people I was absolutely convinced were dying a little each day because I hadn't forgiven them, simply didn't care.

In 2011 I learned how to forgive.

I've always been in church. I've heard, "if you don't forgive you won't be forgiven." many times. Those were simply empty words on a page that meant nothing to me until I finally understood.
No forgiveness = no salvation. No salvation = no Jesus and no Heaven.

In the middle of the year, when I came back to the Lord completely, I had a lot of stuff that needed to change. He took me by the hand and led me day by day to what I needed to do to make things right. The first step was to forgive all the people who had hurt me.

That took a while. A lot of people believe (typically people who are in church) that forgiveness is something that should be simply a few words spoken, "I forgive you." and you've forgiven them. Not. True. Forgiveness is a process. If I tell someone I forgive them and I don't, and it only took one day, that's one day wasted. If I tell someone I forgive them, 3 months later, and truly do forgive them... all that time was worth it.

So after 3 months of going through every little thing that's hurt me by several people, I truly forgave. That doesn't mean just because I forgave them I allowed some of the people who weren't good for me back in my life. If you don't help me draw closer to the Lord and actually push me further from Him, you're not in my life. Not because I hate you or don't forgive you, but because God comes first to everything and everyone else.

Then came probably the hardest thing I've ever done before... asking forgiveness from other people.

In 2011 I learned to ask forgiveness.

After praying for a week, God showed me so many people I had hurt. One by one I went to each person and asked forgiveness. Most of them showed me mercy and forgave me, still some people didn't. Understandable. I pray that some day they can forgive me, not for my conscious sake, but for their soul's sake.

It's hard to swallow your pride and ask forgiveness... but it is something that needs to be done. There is power in forgiveness for us all. Without it, who would or could ever be saved? That's right. No one.

Stop holding onto the past. Those hurts and pains are very real. But it's time to get over it. Pray and seek His face and ask Him for His help to forgive other people. I definitely could not have forgiven anyone without His help. Ask the Lord to show you people you need to ask forgiveness from. Have a blessed day!! ^.^

12.27.2011

What I Learned in 2011: About Choices

I've always made the easy decisions. The obvious choices. Why? Because I didn't want to be uncomfortable or make a choice that will hurt me or someone else. I mean, come on, who would actually choose to make the hardest decision as opposed to the easiest one?

In 2011 I learned that sometimes the hardest decisions are the best ones.

There have been many times this year that opportunities came up for me to do something for the Lord that was a lot uncomfortable for me. So I came up with excuses about why I couldn't do it and how ill equipped I am and made the easy choice, declining.

It was easy to say no to the things that I feared, the things that were uncomfortable, the things I wasn't good at. A lot of the choices were the wrong ones, however I did learn from them.

But it wasn't just saying no to opportunities. I had to say yes or no to the more complicated things. Relationships (friendships), family issues, what to do about certain problems that didn't just involve myself. There were quite a few things I had to make a decision on towards the middle/end of the year. There were a lot of easy ways out. So many. In fact, most people in my life were telling me to say yes to the easy ways out because they didn't want me to be in pain, which is nice, but not always helpful.

I made a few extremely hard choices. I learned that sometimes the hardest decisions are the best ones. When I said no to my comforts, obvious happiness, extreme joy, easy life... and said yes to the uncomfortable, painful at times, extremely frustrating at times life, I found extreme joy and happiness. I found so much more than I ever thought possible.

I learned to seek God's will in my life and not my own. I learned to stop asking other people's opinions and then taking it as my answered prayer to do exactly what that woman of God or man of God told me to do whether it was truly God's will or not. I learned to fully ask God what He wanted and to simply do, be, live whatever or however He wanted/wants.

When we pray and seek God's decisions in our lives and stop trying to force ourselves into ideal situations, we are far more blessed than we could ever be on our own.

Instead of seeking the easy way out of everything, get on your face, pray and seek His will, and you just might find that though the decision may be one of the hardest ones you've ever made, and the choice you're making may not be what you really want, it will be a lot easier with Him by your side and obeying His will as opposed to your own.. Be blessed! :)

12.26.2011

What I Learned in 2011: Live Life

This week I'll be writing posts on different things I learned this year. Hope you enjoy! :)

At the start of the year I had many hopes and dreams. So many. However, they slowly got put to rest as the year picked up pace and my heart desired one thing... to be loved and pursued by someone... other than God.

My "wish" eventually came true and I ended up going so far away from Jesus that He could have been standing right in front of me and I wouldn't have known. I fell hard.

My thinking during that time was that if I could just get that one thing I always wanted then I would need nothing else. I wasted precious time that could have been spent with my Father, waiting and hoping and eventually getting, what I thought I needed.

In 2011  I learned to live life.

I've always been the girl who was waiting and hoping, waiting and hoping. I put everything on hold to get whatever it was that year that I desperately wanted. This year the Lord showed me that life is meant to be lived. Not living for the temporary or the sinful pleasures of the world, but living for Him and the life that only He can give.

I used to be the one would say, "My life will be amazing when....", "If _______ happens then I will be happy...". It turns out that all those when and then's that I focused too much attention on just didn't satisfy me. If they came to pass then I would be entertained for a little bit and then get bored again and go searching for something else.

Waiting for the temporary things aren't worth it. Waiting for fame, fortune, happiness, love in the future and not accepting the love and happiness and joy and extremely rewarding life that comes from the Father now... that's a waste of a life.

If you waste your whole life waiting for the perfect job, the amazing wife, that perfect man, etc. you'll eventually stop looking and seeing anything good because you're constantly seeking something that may be years and years away. That's coming from personal experience. I'm not saying don't dream. You should dream big dreams and hope for things that everyone else may say is impossible, but don't put your life on pause while you're waiting. Use your time wisely. Spend it getting to know the Father and letting His love overwhelm everything in your life.

Happy Monday! ^.^

12.25.2011

Christmas morning...

Christmas morning...

It used to mean getting up at the crack of dawn, running into the living room and begging my mom to let me open my presents right then. It used to mean stuffing my face until I couldn't anymore. It used to be all about getting and not at all giving.

Christmas morning this year...

I have an indescribable joy knowing that I celebrate my Savior's birth on this day. It means giving to everyone, including my Jesus. It means being thankful for all that I already have.

This Christmas morning is different from all the rest. I have realized the beauty of my Jesus and the beauty of my family. It's beautiful. Magical. Wonderful. I am so thankful to be blessed enough to have such an incredible family and such an incredible life.

Instead of focusing so much on things, try focusing on Jesus. There are no amount of things that can ever compare to Jesus and the indescribable joy you experience through Him. I pray today that you know that joy.. and if you don't then I pray You seek Him and find Him.

Merry Christmas everyone!! Blessings! :)

Saturday's post...

This post is from yesterday. No confusion, I am well aware that today is not Christmas eve. ;)

Merry Christmas eve everyone!!! ^.^

So I've been thinking a lot recently about people around Christmas time. Of course nearly everyone is happy and joyful. Selfless and giving. Peaceful and loving. However, I'm sitting here wondering about all the people who are hurting this Christmas. All the people who are lonely, sad, depressed, homeless, poor, cold, hungry, dying just to have a nice hot shower before the year goes out.

How is it that it seems the only time people give to others less fortunate, is during Christmas? Or the only time we really sit down and talk to someone and truly listen to them as they pour out theirs heart is during this time of year? Are our hearts so hardened that we don't care for the people who are hurt and dying? Who need a Savior? Who might thoroughly enjoy a hot meal, new clothes, and maybe a haircut and not just during Christmas?

I think about the families grieving over the loss of loved ones. I can name off at least 5 or 6 right now. If those are just a few of the people I know are hurting... how many others do I not know about?

How would it feel to know you were forgotten? On Christmas nonetheless? Tomorrow many materialistic people will sit down and be merry as they receive more than they gave throughout the entire course of this year. I'm not pointing fingers.. that person was me not too long ago. Since then God has opened my eyes and shown me how very wrong I've been. Now, I see that it is a greatly larger blessing to give to someone, than to receive.

Don't forget about the people who will be crying themselves to sleep tonight because their heart has been broken over and over again. Or the person who has no place to lay his head because he's got no home.

Just remember tonight, when you lay your head down on a pillow, to thank God above for the blessings that you already have! Pray for those who don't have as much. As a song I heard earlier today said, "I count blessings instead of sheep." I like that. Pray for those who would rather have a healed heart, than a brand new car. Material stuff can't heal. Jesus can!

12.21.2011

Selfless...

So continuing 5 things I've learned from the birth of Jesus here we are at...

Day 2!

So this is something I've been thinking about a lot... being selfless. What does it look like? How does my life display it right now? What can I do to be more selfless? Maybe it's because it is Christmas time and everyone is in the giving mood... I believe it's because God is teaching me something much greater.

What do you think would have happened in Mary had been selfish? What if she decided she would deliberately disobey God because she wanted to be "favored" in the eyes of man rather than in the eyes of Him? What if she wanted to be seen as "cool" or "popular"? She couldn't be seen as that if she was having God's Son. No one believed her and everyone just thought she slept around with someone. Nope. She would be seen as very uncool and extremely unpopular.

What about us? If you continue in your selfish ways you can miss out on all God has for you. He has been breaking me of my selfishness. I have been seeing life through His eyes... how great it is when I deny my flesh and become obedient and live my life according to His will and plan.

Mary and Joseph urge me on each day to stay obedient. God blessed them so greatly for their obedience and allowed them to be a part of one of the greatest love stories ever!!! Will that be you? Will that be me? I pray it will. Blessings! :)

12.20.2011

Faith trumps fear...

For the next 5 days I will be blogging about something I've learned from the story of the birth of Christ.

Day 1:

When reading about how the birth of Jesus came about we hear about a girl named Mary (who was probably 14) and who was told she was gonna give birth to the Son of God. She was engaged to Joseph. We can stop right there for a minute.

Can you imagine being told that you were gonna have God's Son? Much less you're gonna be (obviously) pregnant?! You're engaged... you're still not married... and the man knows it's not his child and even if it were, everyone still looks down on you. That's scary. She could be stoned for that. Killed. Dead. Never coming back. At 14.... I would have begged God to pick someone else.

Not Mary. She's such an example of faith to me. Sure, she was probably very scared. Anyone would be. However, she basically said, "even though I'm scared out of my mind and don't know where all this will lead me, I trust You, Father. I trust You have a plan, You will protect me, and You will make all this work out."

Thinking about that makes me want to swallow my fear and let faith shine through. Sometimes I shy away from doing certain things because I'm scared. What if what I do is...
wrong, stupid, everyone hates it, everyone hates me for it, I get talked about, etc.
There are many possibilities as to why I'm afraid, but if it's God's will for me to do something... I want to say without a doubt, "Yes Lord, may it be to me as You have said. I am Your servant. I follow You."

May my faith trump my fear. May faith trump your fear as well. If you say no to God and His will you could miss out on something beautiful (maybe not quite as spectacular) like the birth of God's Son! Shine your Light! :)

12.17.2011

I see hope...

Last night I went with a friend Christmas shopping and on our way home we went through an area that I've never seen before.

I live in what some people call the "ghetto". I don't think it is, really. I like it a lot. The people around me are wonderful. Some might be rough around the edges but that's all of us if truth be told.

While we were driving around I saw huge houses decorated to perfection with Christmas lights everywhere. It was beautiful. A little bit breathtaking. But the most amazing part of the night for me was driving up this hill that overlooked the city. I could see everything. Everyone. Okay... I couldn't really see any people, but it felt like it. ;)

That moment was very special to me. Sometimes being around the same place with the same people and seeing no change can be... hopeless. Recently I've felt like there is nothing that will change around here. In that moment... seeing all the city lights.. how much bigger the world is... I saw hope. I see hope. God was whispering, "Greater things have yet to be done in this city." I believe God will allow me to be a part of those 'greater things'. I am very thankful for that. :)

Christmas time shouldn't be the only time we find peace, hope, and joy. However, I am here to remind you now that there is hope for whatever situation you may be in. God is with you, by your side, through the easy and tough times. Cling to Him. Have a blessed weekend! :)

12.12.2011

They will try and take your smile...

Everybody doesn't like you. Everybody will never all like you. That doesn't mean there is something wrong with you. Sometimes it means that there is something RIGHT with you. "The world will hate you because of Me."

Last night was probably one of the hardest nights of my life. For real. And there have been some pretty intense moments. I was about ready to come unglued. Why is it that when we go to church, the place we are to build each other up and encourage, it seems to do the least of that? It's not just my church, every church is like that. There are hypocrites everywhere, but seriously sometimes I just want people to be real and genuine. Stop putting on that fake face and just be yourself. No cliques, no divisions, no hatred or unforgiveness, just God's people loving one another and trying to spread His Word throughout the world.

The world will try and take your smile (that's the 'they' in the title), but we don't have to let them.

I would say I'm pretty real. I try to be nice to everyone, show love to everyone, but sometimes people think that the girl who is always smiling, the girl who is always nice, is to be pushed over. My thoughts from last night,

Is it my smile that makes you angry? Is it my joy in the Lord that makes you want to trip me? Am I doing something wrong? Lord, what am I doing wrong? Did I hurt him? Did I hurt her? Why is this so hard? I can't smile right now.  

My smile was gone. It had been taken.. or maybe rather given up to a bunch of people who really didn't even notice. Yep. Fail.

God has been working on me all night, even when I was sleeping He has been speaking over me. He's been reminding me that the world will hate me because of Him. He has been teaching me that forgiveness is always the answer and that love (His love) overcomes all. I can't let a few people who are just hypocrites take me down. You can't either.

You'll hear this saying a lot in your life (probably already have), "Just ignore them." but sometimes that's just not good enough and really, it's not real. You can't ignore everyone. Some people really know how to dig deep into your soul and find the one sore that is still raw and jab some salt into it. Stand strong. Instead of "ignoring them", stand strong in God's love.

When someone intentionally hurts you, forgive them, move past that, and stand strong in His love.

When someone goes behind your back and does something you told them not to, forgive them, move past it, and stand strong in His love.

When everyone seems to be against you, forgive them all, move past it, and stand strong in His love.

Remember that "if God is for us, then who can be against us?". Remember that His love trumps all worldly things and matters. Keep your chin up. Just because the world will try and take your smile doesn't mean you should give it up.

Happy Monday y'all!

12.09.2011

To you... yes.. YOU!

Hello! So I love writing letters and this one is to you! I think you need to know you're thought about and important and that you deserve something done for you every once in a while. This is just a small thing I can do. :)

You have a purpose. Stop believing those lies from all the people who tell you you can't do anything. You're not "important enough" or "special" enough. God made you for a specific purpose that only you can do. Stop telling yourself you can't or you're not good enough. You aren't good enough on your own, but because you are His you are good.

You are a son or daughter of the Most High. Act like one. Respect yourself. Stop giving yourself away over and over to people who don't even deserve you. Who cares if they don't like you for it? God will bring people into your life who deserve to be there. Stop letting what people think dictate who you become. You aren't too dirty. You aren't worthless or a piece of junk. Stop believing those lies.

"He who is without sin can cast the first stone." Many people forget this. Don't you. Don't point out other people's flaws just to make yourself feel better. And when other people do this just remember that "Hurting people, hurt people." Gently help them out. Pray for them. Give them verses that will help them realize that they don't need to hurt someone to make themselves feel good. They just want someone to love them, and when they don't get that they think no one else should feel loved either. I was that person for a while. God changes hearts.

Okay, yeah you want a girl or a guy, just somebody to love. That's cool. However, until you get right with God it won't work out. You can't be completed by someone who wasn't meant to complete you. That spot for God can't be filled by a person. Only by Him. Stop forcing things to happen in dating relationships. Spend some time with the Savior and when He says you're ready the right person will come along. How will you know? God will tell you! :)

You are special. Chosen. Called. Loved. Beautiful. Wonderful. Read His Word. You'll find these things out. Find your identity in Him. I mean, after all, your real and true identity is in Him anyways. I love you. I might not know you, but you're my brother or sister and just because of that I love you. He loves you too. Wayyyyyyy more than me. Don't forget that. Keep your head up!!

Have a great weekend! :)

12.07.2011

A gift given without knowing...

I sat on the swings and watched a mother with her daughter.
She was teaching her daughter how to slide. The little baby just wasn't understanding it.
After about 5 or 6 tries the baby girl finally got it. She began sliding all by herself.
The mother then began to jump up and down and scream, "Yes! She did it!". I smiled.

While I was walking away God began speaking to my heart. Touching the very core of me.
He told me that that's how it is when He's trying to teach us something and we just aren't getting it. Once we finally get it I think He looks at us and says, "Yes! She finally got it! That's MY Child." :)

That lady didn't know it, but she gave me a gift without even knowing it. I'd been needing a reminder of my Daddy's love that day and seeing the way she interacted with her daughter blessed my heart so much.

Parents don't realize how much of an example they are not only to their children, but also to the people around them. There is something to be said for someone who loves their child regardless, disciplines them lovingly, and does everything they can to be a better parent each day. Those people are my examples of godly parents. I pray when I get older I could be such a person to my child.

Of course it's Christmas time and everyone is talking about giving. Today remember that maybe you don't have to go completely out of your way to bless someone (though be willing to do so) that maybe just your example will be a reminder to them of love, peace, joy, and hope.

Remember that we are to be giving and serve not just during this time of the year but all throughout the year. Have a blessed day loves! :)

12.05.2011

If all I can be is obedient...

I sat comfortably around my friends. Around the people I call my Brothers and Sisters.
And I watched.

I watched a man with deep pain in his eyes tell people he lives in Japan and because he lost his job he is considered worthless.

I saw a woman who had no other way to make money than to give herself away.

I watched a man puff out smoke because he thinks it will bring him peace and comfort.. even if only for a little while.

Then... then I cried.

Last night I'm sitting in my room thinking about the video I had watched. I'm thinking of all of the people everywhere on this earth who are hurting and in pain. I cried. Deep, soulful sobs for the ones I don't know and for the ones I do. I don't know most of their names. Yet I love them more than anything. I hate seeing people who have such great potential let it die a little more each day because they have believed the lies the enemy has fed them.

I couldn't help but think as I watched this video that there we were, sitting nice and comfortable not afraid for our lives, not freezing out in the cold, not half naked or might as well be because they're barely wearing threads anymore it's so worn out. I hate my comfortable life.

I want to move. Not really move as in get a new home in a different area. I want to move as in out of my comfortable life into one that I know God has for me. Not that being comfortable is a problem... but it kinda is. I'm not to be conformed to this world and I hardly think Jesus wants me to look out at the world and see all the hurt and pain and do nothing about it.

It's not just the homeless, the prostitute, the stripper, the drug dealer, etc. who are hurting. It's your next door neighbor, the person you sit next to at church, the girl who runs on the track with you every day, that dude at your work. I don't have to look far to see someone hurting. I don't have to look far to find someone to tell about the love and peace and hope I have found in Christ. I just don't have to look far.

I question myself... if I am comfortable in everything that I do am I even living for the Lord? Because being comfortable does not require any faith whatsoever. I don't believe I'm called to a comfortable life. I'm sure Paul wasn't comfortable when he walked this earth. He's one of the godliest men that's walked among us. A great example to us. He was obedient no matter what God asked him to do.

I want that to be me. Seeking God's will above everyone else's. Leaving the comforts of this world because I am indeed made for another one. I want those pained faces to be comforted not because of me... because I can't take away their pain, but because of Christ in me shining through.

Lord, if the only thing I can do is be obedient to You, then may it be so.

12.02.2011

Longed to be loved...

She sat on the floor glancing up in between crunches and sit ups.
I want to look like that, she thought.
I want to be pretty. Desired. Fulfilled. Find my purpose in life.

She longed to be loved.

He loves me. I just know it. He's confused. I'll keep him around. Make him happy.
Fulfill him. I will be his everything again. All I need to do is give him what he wants.

She longed to be loved.

It's gonna be okay. Everyone knows it. My parents will be happier. I just need a job. Be a better daughter. They'll be happy. I can please them. I know it.

She longed to be loved.

My life is worthless. So am I. All I do is mess up. Nobody loves me or cares for me and what on earth am I even here for?

She longs to be loved.

Chances are you are (if you're a female) one of these above. Maybe you're all of them. I've been there. The reason I can write the things I write is because I have had the same or at least similar feelings and experiences. It's not over though.

You ARE loved.

After I figured out that my appearance does not determine my worth (I'm still learning) and that my love for myself and for others does not come by how I look or how they look. I have found out another thing. God loves me. He cares for me. He sees me. He notices me. I wanted to be noticed so bad when I was younger... I'm really glad to know that I've always been noticed. Do you know that? You are noticed too!

You are pursued. You are cared for (more than you can ever imagine). God does not look down
on you with a grimace on His face. He knows every mistake you've made and will make. He still loves you. Remember this? He doesn't change. He never will. Which means His love will never change for you. Ever. Period.

I can't make you believe that you are loved and pursued. I wish I could. Really I do. However, I can't. This is personal. You have to pray to Him to help you believe it. He will answer. He has always answered me and many others. He always will. Psalm 34:4 says, "I sought the Lord and He answered me and delivered me from all my fears." He answers.

My challenge to you, if you're having a hard time believing your worth and finding your identity go read Psalm 139. Read it over and over and over again and then start praying it. You will begin to see your worth as the beautiful, precious, holy, clean, pure, daughter of the Most High. I love you all!! Have a blessed Friday!

12.01.2011

Looking back when I should've said goodbye...

Pain. Hurt. Bondage.

Love. Grace. Freedom.

Satan has no arms. He can't hold me back or make me do anything. That's all me. Giving in instead of letting go.

Well last night at church I talked with a godly woman to get advice on some things going on in my life. While talking to her God began speaking to me. He told me I need to really let go. I thought I had.

People say all the time "let go and let God.", but honestly I think that not many people even know what it means to let go because it's usually never done. I know that sometimes I don't know what that means. We "let go" while still trying to control everything that goes on in our lives. Maybe it's not that we don't know what letting go means, but that we are afraid to let go.

I was hurt. He hurt me deep. I was so angry. It turned to hatred. I went through the process of forgiveness only to start it all over again a month later. I said I had "let go and let God", but really I hadn't.

The healing process is not fast or easy. Don't let anyone tell you it is a 'one day and done' deal. It's not. It's a process. Just like forgiving. You have to go through every little thing and say, "I forgive you" just like when you go to God you need to say, "Heal me. Heal this area... and this one... and this one." It's all a process.

I've been looking back when I should've said goodbye from the very beginning. Every time God reminds me that I don't need to look back because the past is the past for a reason, I still sneak a peek hoping maybe the past has changed since I last looked. It hasn't. It won't. It never will. The past stays the same. Never changing.

If you're like me you've been hurt. We've all been hurt. You might be holding on to it. You might be looking back when you need to say goodbye. I know hurt very well. You probably do too. "He didn't change."  "She never will."  "Why did he leave?"  "Why doesn't she love me?" etc.

This is a new month. Another fresh start. November is officially gone with all it's worries and hurt and pain. I think it's time to let go. All of us. Falling down at the Lord's feet and letting it all go. That pain, hurt, all the tears, worry, frustration, etc. Falling down I say, "Here, Lord, take these from me. They aren't mine to carry anymore."

"Cast your cares on Him for He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

He does. He cares so much for you. He loves you. Let go and let God... move in your life and make you brand new. He wants it all. Happy December!!! :)