Putting on that fake smile. Pretending it's "all good". Never admitting to struggles or problems.
That can describe me so much. Especially recently.
I've never liked asking for help. I've been raised by a momma (I thank God for her) who has had to deal with so much on her own that independence and the "no need for a man" attitude has been preached to me not only through her words, but her actions. That's both a good and bad thing.
It's good because I've learned how to be a woman who goes after what she wants. It's bad because I've learned to do things on my own, never asking for help, even when I need it most.
This weekend.. wrecked me. What was I doing you might ask? The same thing I do every weekend except this weekend I was more aware of God's voice.
I've been having so many issues recently. Struggling with so much. Yet, I pretended it was okay. "Out of sight, out of mind." was my motto. I pretended it was okay with God. I pretended I could hide from Him just like Adam & Eve though they couldn't hide. However, I learned the same thing they learned so many years ago, I cannot hide from God.
I was sitting in my room crying out to God and He basically said,
"My child, why are you bent on making everything look like it's okay when it is most certainly not? Why do you not want to be real with Me? Do you not trust Me? Have I done anything to make you think otherwise? Won't you trust Me? Won't you hand over your problems to Me? Won't you allow yourself to be broken at My feet?"
I was a mess after that because that touched my hard heart and softened it. Tears were streaming down my face. Thoughts occurred, 'How could I be so foolish? He's God! He knows all! He can change this. He can change me. But if I don't give in to Him, I cannot be touched; I cannot be changed. Oh, Lord, I'm so sorry.'
I forget so easily who I am in the Lord. My true identity. It seems like it would be something hard to forget, but the ways of the world can weigh so heavily on me and I believe the lies just like you.
Let go. Let go of everything you've been holding on to that has been holding you back. The weight is lifted as soon as you do. He is trustworthy. Allow yourself to be broken at His feet.
Have a blessed day! :)