3.03.2012

When I stopped running...

I ran.

Oh boy, did I run. I ran fast and I ran hard... yet I couldn't escape.

The more I tried to break free to run away there He was. Standing there. Looking at me. Not with the hatred I thought would be there. No. What I saw.. was grace. I saw love. But how?

I've been thinking so much lately about how undeserving I am of God's grace, yet He still loves me. He still chose me. He still chooses to love me.

I ran from Him as if he were evil. I had a picture in my head of a God who couldn't wait to get me to Heaven just to tell me I couldn't stay. I couldn't believe He would love me. More like, wouldn't. I was too unworthy, too unholy, too... opposite, for Him to even look my way.. but He did anyway.

The filth that used to be on me.. I looked up and Jesus was holding it. Carrying it. He was on a Cross and held all my dirty little secret sins, all my ugliness, all my evil. He made me pure. Holy. Good. And without Him I am still impure, unholy, and evil. Thank you, Jesus, for Your saving grace!

Before God saved me, I tried everything to fill that void in my life. I tried placing several things and several different people in the place that was reserved for Him. Only He can fill that void. Only Him.

"Do not have other gods beside Me." -Exodus 20:3

I had soo many gods and none of them were the real One. None of them satisfied me, none of them held me, none of them pursued me. Yet every single time I stopped to catch my breath, there God was. Holding out His hand saying, "Choose Me."

I think of all the times somebody did or said something I didn't like. Or people who live lives that I don't agree with. Sometimes I get self-righteous and start thinking, "Pshhh! I'm not gonna love you. You, of all people. Ew. No. I can't. You hurt me. You turned your back on me. You broke my trust. You broke my heart." But every single time I do that, God reminds me, "Beloved, you did the same. You turned your back on me. You hated Me in every sense. You refused to live My way and yet I still loved you. I have always loved you. Love them through Me."

How can I not? Especially God convicts me like that. I must. Through Him, by Him, and in Him.

This post is to remind the person who thinks they've blown it, that God is still seeking you. He still wants to save you. He still can. Nothing is impossible for God. Nothing. Stop running. Turn around. Your Savior is right there. Follow Him.

This post is also to the person who thinks they've got it all together and are just "too holy" for their own good. Jesus saved you from your filth. Be careful not to become self-righteous because you didn't save yourself. God did. Give Him the glory and Him the praise. Not yourself.

Have a blessed weekend! Love y'all! <3

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