God, I can't do this. I can't! I don't know what to do anymore and my hope is slowly dying. I thought I was doing well, that I had finally gotten past all this. I haven't. Please, help me, Lord. Please, help me!'
Those were the words I prayed a few nights ago. While sobbing to myself. I have experienced hurt and pain before, but realizing how I've hurt my Savior so many times before was a huge punch in the face.
I lack discipline. I'll be the first person to tell you that and up until this weekend it really hasn't bothered me too much. I've used the exuse, "That's just the way I am!" soo many times! Sound familiar? I'm asking the Lord to help me be more disciplined in every area of my life. I'll update you on the results when they start coming.
So anyways, after sitting in my room, with teardrops all over my pajamas and the floor, I opened up the Word. I can't tell you exactly where I opened it or what I read, but I know I only read one verse. What I read touched my heart. What I read hit in me in the soul- right where I needed it. Then, my God spoke to me,
"Daughter, you complain to Me about how you want to know Me more, but what effort are you really making? Yes, you spend time in my Word, but why don't you s-l-o-w down and soak up My words and promises to you? You'll find Me when you seek Me with ALL your heart. Let go and start seeking."
Boom! You know I've read through the Bible several times (that is not meant to impress you, just to clarify) and I've never stopped to really think and meditate on His promises to those who follow Him. I've heard many times that God will wipe away every tear from our eyes when we get to Heaven, but I've never thought about what that means and how it shows His character. I've heard that He hears those who call out to Him out of a pure heart, but I'm gonna be completely honest and let you know that there have been many times that I prayed and didn't think He could hear me.
This week, I'm soaking Him up. I'm reading His Word not to "get it over with", which has been my attitude before (sadly) or reading through it and then putting it out of my mind almost immediately after (I have a bad habit of doing that). No, this week I'm going to cling to His promises and really think about them and trust in Him. Will you join me? We only have one life. Let's not live it focusing on worthless things, but rather with our eyes on God, seeking His face. Have a blessed Monday! <3