Word Vomit (take two)

Sometimes I don't understand why I do the things I do.

Like today, for instance, I fell into a sin that God had given me complete victory over (should I say has given me because I have His victory for life as long as I follow Him).

Why did I do that? Don't I love Him? Do I love idols more? What happened? Am I still His?

I doubt.

I know we're told in church that doubting God is foolish and should not be done, but when I look at who I once was and then who I am now I forget that the huge difference in the way I live now is because of the cross Jesus took so many years ago and not anything I've done.


When pride comes in, so does sin. They go hand in hand. I forget that I am nothing without my Savior and that this life I'm living now is completely pointless and worthless if not lived for Christ.

I cried.

I sat down overwhelmed by my sin and stupidity in going back to it and I cried. Not sobs (because they would not come), but gentle, upset cries. I'm sure my Father was looking at me with compassion. I prayed Psalm 51 and asked for brokenness and humility. I begged. I still am. I want to be broken. I want to be humble. If that's what pleases my Father that is exactly what I want.

God is love.

He is love. Period. Sometimes I don't understand why He chose to save me (He didn't have to) and I don't understand why He continues to work on me and show me grace (again, He doesn't have to) yet one statement stands so profoundly above all the world's lies of unworthiness... He is love. LOVE looks out for the interests of others, love seeks the best out of other people, God is all these things and more and that's because He is love.

I know why I sinned. Because I didn't allow HIS strength to be enough for me. I didn't even ask for help. 1 Peter talks about being serious and ready for the Lord and the world. We're to be focused on Christ, not sin, not the world, but Him. Through Him, we can be ready for the attacks of Satan and rely on His strength as well as be ready to share Christ with a lost soul.

Satan is attacking me right now as I write this. Telling me I'm unworthy to, that if I really loved God I wouldn't have fallen but the Lord brought me 1 John 1:5:-10. My God is faithful and just and has forgiven me. He is ready to do the same for you. When we fall, we must pray for genuine repentance and brokenness in our lives. Brokenness is a good thing! Just another truth that is opposite to the world.

I read this quote earlier and though it doesn't have much to do with the topic of this post, I believe that when we realize that God is not just personal, but holy and just and bigger than we can even imagine, we have a more reverent worship towards Him and think more about Whom we are serving.

“The Christian’s instincts of trust and worship are stimulated very powerfully by knowledge of the greatness of God.

But this is knowledge which Christians today largely lack: and that is one reason why our faith is so feeble and our worship so flabby. We are modern people, and modern people, though they cherish great thoughts of themselves, have as a rule small thoughts of God. When the person in the church, let alone the person in the street, uses the word God, the thought is rarely of divine majesty.”

“Today, vast stress is laid on the thought that God is personal, but this truth is so stated as to leave the impression that God is a person of the same sort as we are – weak, inadequate, ineffective, a little pathetic. But this is not the God of the Bible! Our personal life is a finite thing: it is limited in every direction, in space, in time, in knowledge, in power. But God is not so limited. He is eternal, infinite and almighty. He has us in his hands; we never have him in ours. Like us, he is personal, but unlike us, he is great. In all its constant stress on the reality of God’s personal concern for his people, and on the gentleness, tenderness, sympathy, patience and yearning compassion that he shows toward them, the Bible never lets us lose sight of his majesty and his unlimited dominion over all his creatures.”
            -J.I. Packer, Knowing God, 83.*

*taken from radical.net's blog

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