I apologize in advance for the odd transitions and order of these words. These are just some thoughts I've had and need to state really just for myself. Maybe you'll find yourself resonating with some of them.
I'm not satisfied with life.
Too many people want to claim the name of Christ and receive His grace but not accept the life that comes with it.
I used to be one of those people.
My life has changed drastically in the past year. THANK GOD! I've learned the importance of following Him regardless of the sacrifices because can you really call it a sacrifice when you compare it to what the Lord gives in return? And even if He gave me nothing for my sacrifice, I'd still do it because His love is worth it.
Right now I'm in a waiting season.
Waiting on the Lord, waiting on His wisdom, waiting on His will to be revealed... and can I say that exercising patience is not a strong point in my life? I have patience (Gal. 5:22), it's just using it and being disciplined enough to not get caught up in this too fast-paced life that I have a daily struggle with.
"I'm ready now."
I find myself praying this a lot as of late. I want to be His hands and feet and yet when the time comes, I find myself fearful of man and his opinions. Forgive me, Lord, I know that's a petty thing to worry about. I just want to be bold as He has given me a spirit of boldness. I want to tell the world about Him.
I got my Voice of the Martyrs* in the mail yesterday. I was absolutely amazed at how many people share Christ knowing full well that they may be arrested (many have) and possibly beaten (maybe to death) and they still keep going. May I be so bold as well.
Many went to Chick-Fil-A yesterday to support them and their Christian views. I went and supported them as well. I found myself wondering throughout the day what would happen if we were to stand for Christ with the same boldness we had yesterday? I didn't see anyone hiding their face from people or looking around nervously as if they were uncomfortable. It shouldn't be that way when we share Christ either, if we know that He is our strength and confidence.
My flesh is dead, but that doesn't mean my flesh is not a distraction nor does it mean that I don't struggle with it. I have to commit daily to submitting to Him and not my flesh and I have to beg and plead for His will to come before my own even when my heart wants something different. I just want what my Father wants. I wish I could share just how deep my passion and heart for that is, but it's impossible to communicate it.
I want to encourage you to wait on the Lord and allow Him to be enough for you. Jesus Christ is our Lord and Savior, but we don't always allow Him to be that in our lives. We take back the reigns for a while and let Him stand by and every time we do that it always ends in hurt and disaster. You might be struggling right now and in pain and the want to give up and live for yourself again may be stronger than it's ever been in your life, but you must choose to lay it all at His feet even when the suffering is great. He is enough for us and will provide. I remind myself of these words all the time hope they bring you some strength too...
"But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness." Therefore, I will most gladly boast all the more about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may reside in me." - 2 Corinthians 12:9
*you can visit persecution.com to learn more about Voice of the Martyrs.