And so the conversation that I had had a million times with several different people began. I told them the same thing I told myself every night after I came home from church (looking back I'm saddened at my behavior).
I would tell them that I wasn't happy, I felt so judged, nobody seemed to be there for the right reasons and so forth. This went on for weeks. Until God did something in me. I learned a lot. First thing I learned was...
my church wasn't the problem, I was.
Coming from a somewhat bitter girl at the time I didn't like hearing this at all, but God is always right and I will always be wrong in comparison to Him.
What happened after I accepted that God was right was just awesome. I began accepting His free gift of love to me and then He began working so mightily in me that I was able to give that love to same people I had been complaining about two months earlier.
I gave anger and hatred to others because I was angry and hateful towards myself.
God took me on a journey of learning to love myself despite all the flaws. Once I learned to do that, I was able to more effectively love others.
The people I am around I genuinely love. I love the crazy, stupid, hilarious, annoying, profound, randomness of every single person. I now see the uniqueness in each person I'm around when I'm at church. I see the different ways they worship, the way their relationship with Christ moves them and so many other things.
Here's my advice if you're struggling with the church you're at:
1. Figure out if they're the problem or you are. Nine times out of ten the pointing fingers will turn around back on you. Ask God to reveal the real problems to you, whether they be in your heart or in the place you're at.
2. Is your church preaching the Word and the Word alone? If there's a lot of excess opinions and not complete truth being preached or practiced then you may want to ask God if that's where He wants you. Sometimes you have to wrestle with your church and talk to leaders of the church about what you're seeing and if they are seeing the same and if it's a problem that needs to be addressed. Ultimately, let it all be done in love.
3. Accept His answer and act. If God tells you to leave your church and find a new home then do it. My warning to you on that is to make sure that it is in fact God's voice you're hearing and not your own personal opinion. Coming from experience, it's not very wise to leave a church because you're having problems with a couple people. You may want to ask yourself why you're going to church if when a problem arises you want to leave immediately. Church should be a place to worship Christ together, fellowship, serve, and get filled up on the Word.
I hope this cleared up some things you've been struggling with and helped you begin to really seek His voice on the matter. Blessings!