I have to rely on Jesus to love.
Loving is scary. I don't always like it. I like the way love makes me feel, but to give it? To risk being rejected and still give it? Yeah, I don't like that too much.
Can you imagine being Jesus, walking this earth, completely sinless around a bunch of messed up, sinful people? Can you imagine giving love to people who think you're crazy and whisper about you when you pass by (to clarify- that's not in the Bible I don't think, but it probably happened.)? I mean He knows these people (us!) would reject Him, fight Him, ignore Him, blame Him and yet He still chose to love us all the way to the Cross.
Dang. I want that kind of love.
I squirm a lot when being pursued by someone. I've squirmed more than I can count while the Lord pursued me and pressed me to His heart. Love is uncomfortable sometimes. It's gritty and scary and sometimes it looks really stupid to other people. Sometimes love is confrontational and sometimes it's silent and all of these things don't come easily or naturally to me.
You know what I constantly have to ask God for every day? Help in loving! It's not that I don't possess love because I do (fruit of the Spirit, say what's up!), but I lack the discipline and heart to exercise it sometimes.
I think love is scary and hard for us because He wants us to ask Him to love through us. It's a trust, reliance, relationship thing.
I guess I could give you points on how to love others better or more effectively or truly, but then I'd just be another messed up human giving another messed up human false logic.
The truth is, I don't know how to love. I don't know what I'm doing. I do however know, that God knows what He's doing and so I ask Him to help me. I ask Him to break me and move me into His love and then I ask Him to take over completely.
Father, help me love.