10.24.2012

She - Part 2

If you missed last week's post (Part 1) you can read it here. Hope you guys enjoy part 2!

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She’s at work.

Keeping herself busy is probably the best thing to do. No thoughts of how fat she must look, no feelings of hatred toward herself, no time to over analyze her every move.

Unkind words don’t just hurt her. The burn her. They stab her. One unkind word you brush off is the worst thing that could ever happen to her.

She’s hurting.

In pain, sobbing herself to sleep every night. What for? She hates herself and believes everyone else does too. Love is distant to her, almost unreal. She’s never known it and she’s not quite sure she’s ever felt it.

She goes to church. She believes in Christ and loves Him, but her love for Him is half hearted because she’s scared He’s angry at her all the time and hates her.

That’s so far from the truth.

Am I not worth loving? Is there something wrong with me? There must be because everyone hates me. I’m worthless. Why am I even here?

The thoughts swirl. She tries to fight, but she’s tired and lonely and numb.

She stops, looks around to see if anyone has noticed that her working has stopped and her thoughts have taken over. They haven’t. ‘Invisible, she thinks, I must be invisible to everybody.’

After a few moments she collects herself.

Her shift is over. She heads home. It's indifferent at home. Not too good, not too bad.

She goes to her room, lays down her keys and bag, and collapses into the only position she can think to have- knelt down. She prays for the first time in days. She’s desperate.

‘He hears me’, she thought, and the darkness seems to be breaking.


Come back next Wednesday for part 3 in the series!

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