I found myself in my room with a pen, my journal, and a devotional that I had neglected to do for many months because I didn't think it was "my style".
I was tired. It had been a long day (and it had only just started... like literally. It was barely noon). But those long days always bring me to my Lord and so I sat down with this devotional and a heavy heart and began.
It talks about marriage and dating and being the kind of woman GOD wants you to be.
Those are all things I like talking about from time to time, but that last part has my heart.
Oh to be the kind of woman He wants me to be! The very thought makes my heart soar and knowing it will come about (eventually) gives me peace. (See Philippians 1:6)
But sometimes work is involved.
Sometimes He tells me that there is a step I need to take and if I don't take it, I will miss again that life He has created me to live.
So, I took the first step.
I was honest.
I poured my heart out to Him for about 30 minutes and when I was done, I felt different.
I felt more joy and more peace and it was as if the Father Himself said, "Daughter, it's gonna be alright. I'm with you. We'll work through this together. Thank you for finally being honest with Me."
So the heart work has begun. It's painful and good. Two words I wouldn't normally put together, but with God all the pain He allows has a purpose and His purposes are gooood.
The refining is happening. I suppose it's been happening for a while, but this time Abba has graciously allowed me to be able to see some of it happening... and it's beautiful.
Honesty opens doors with people. In the same way, honesty opens doors with God. When you actually voice what you're feeling, thinking, doing, or believing (yes, He already knows, but that doesn't mean He doesn't want to hear it from you.) the chains begin to be broken. The yokes are taken off. And underneath all of that is His hand gently pulling away the lies. The brokenness. The pain. The anger.
He is renewing you and replacing the bad and ugly with His good and beauty. Open up. It's scary, but He knows you better than you know yourself, so no worries. Trust and obey. Take the first step. Praying for you as you do.