11.08.2012

Safe

Allison wrote this and now I’m challenged to let y’all in on my little secret.

I like to play it safe around people.

If you read Ally’s post (by the way, you should go read all her posts because they are super real and sista friend (if you’re not a girl I apologize for that ;) real is what we need) then you read about how she stands with her back to the wall with a plate of food or a drink in her hand the entire time at a party.

That’s me... all the time.

Yeah, I know, it’s sad, but y’all that’s what I do.

I stand with my back to a wall, something in my hands, and I observe everything around me.

Sometimes it’s a good thing. I get to see how people react to things, what they’re passionate about, what they find funny, etc. Other times it’s somewhat disastrous because I live in fear that someone is going to ask me something and I’ll give my opinion and then they are going to disagree and hate me forever.

See I don’t believe that they are wrong and maybe I’m right (for once :P ).

I believe I’m wrong. All the time.

Insecure, not confident girls are “unattractive” (or so I’ve been told), but I’m one of those girls.

I’m safe.

Safe with everything and everyone. I’m safe with my words, my thoughts, my opinions, and my interactions... all to avoid the pain.

Loving and living both cause pain and a lot of it.

I don’t do too well with emotional pain.

I can break my arm or leg or bust my head open (which has happened by the way) and be perfectly fine. I can suffer heartbreak and be down for a long while.

I don’t want to be safe anymore.

There’s a song by Jimmy Needham called ‘Hurricane’ and one of the lines in it is “I don’t wanna be safe tonight”. That’s me right now. That’s my prayer.

I don’t wanna be safe in living or loving.
I don’t wanna be safe when sharing the Gospel.
I don’t wanna be safe.
I want reckless abandonment to Jesus and not safe, Christian bubbles anymore.

Are you living safe? Why? If God is for us, who can be against? (Romans 8:31)

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