11.07.2012

She - Part 4

I'd like to thank each person who has read all of the posts from this series. It's been a journey. Thanks to all who have commented and shared their love and gracious words with me. Means more than you know. If you have an idea on something you'd be interested reading a series about don't hesitate to contact me. Here's the final part of 'She'. Hope you enjoy!

--
“God never intended for you to go through this life alone...” her pastor says loudly and proudly.

She thinks about that for a moment.

Surely I don’t go alone through life. I mean, obviously I don’t because He never leaves me. I rely on Him as best I can. He knows that. I know that. So why do I feel such doubt?

The church service ends, they sing a final hymn and then it’s back to her home where she’ll try and be a “good church girl” today but feels as though it’s nothing but an already lost battle.

--
Several days have passed since then and she hasn’t prayed for most of them.

Today, she’s been attacked with the lies of the world more than any other time she can think of and of course, she prays for His hand to intervene and for these thoughts to be stopped, but this time, nothing helps. No amount of books read, Bible verses quotes, prayers prayed, songs sung... none of this is helping.

Then, something happens.

She’s overwhelmed and thinks that this is finally the end. She doesn’t want to go through this anymore and it’s not at all what she envisioned she’d go through for years.

She prays something deep, deep within, ‘God, this isn’t working. I don’t know why You hate me, but all of this is obviously Your way of saying it’s true. I’ve always thought it, just didn’t think it’d be okay to voice it, but now that it’s so apparent I’m just gonna lay it all out there.’

She begins,

‘This life is freaking hard and my pastor, my youth pastor, my Christian friends, they all say You’ll help me, but no, that doesn’t happen...’

Rely on Me.

‘I beg and plead for You to help me think good thoughts about myself and that never happens...’

I love you.

‘I hate myself. I’m fearfully and wonderfully made, huh? Well why don’t I feel it? Why don’t I believe it? Can You hear me? Are You even real?’

Child, believe.

She stops. She realizes she’s been sobbing for a long while.

She sits in the silence and waits, not too sure what she’s waiting for and then the silence transforms into a still, small Voice and she hears...

Finally, My child, you choose to be honest with Me. I’ve known all along your feelings. I always considered them. I did what was best for you and what was best was pushing you until you fell into My arms. It’s not hatred, daughter, it’s love. It’s the love I have had for you since before time began. It’s the love I gave for you when my Son died in your place and it’s the love that I hold onto you with when everything is falling apart. Don’t confuse Me with the father of lies.

She’s stunned and then the tears boil over again and this time she lets Him hold her and speak kind words to her.

She finally feels at home within her and it’s because of Him. It was all for her to reach this point and suddenly, it all seems worth it. She sees hope and peace, and feels joy and...

she feels loved.

Really, truly, and fully loved and this time she knows it’s because Love Himself came down to hold her.

And so the healing begins.

4 comments:

  1. I love the things you share. Going to add your site to my blogroll....

    Blessings girlie.

    www.godmeandacupofcoffee.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! ^_^ That means a lot to me. Blessings to you! <3

      Delete
  2. That's great!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    God bless you! Keep writing! That was awesome!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! All glory to the Father! Bless you girl!

      Delete

What ya' got to say? :)