11.10.2012

Sick.

I’m sick.

Not physically. Spiritually and emotionally.

The past week and a half has been spent bowing down to a false god- an idol.

Myself.

I was so selfish and focused on Tara. What she wants, what she’s struggling with, what her goals are. Never once did I seek His wants, what stirs His heart, His goals.

I want His will to be done through my life.

I’m sick of sitting around and waiting. Of being afraid to obey this God I serve.

I came across a verse in Scripture the other day and the words “Do not be afraid, I am with you.” came up on me. It looked ridiculous to me. I stared at that part of the verse for a few moments and tears started to come to the surface.

How many times have I heard Him tell me those words and have refused, have freaking chosen not to believe them?

I repent.

If Christians believed even a tenth of what the Bible says our lives would look drastically different.
Our churches would look drastically different.
The people we see daily, our interactions with them would look drastically different.

And I’m struck with this conviction from the Holy Spirit and this passion as well, that I want so badly to be radically different, radically changed.

I want to not wait for a mission trip to come around to specifically share the Gospel with a person.

If we could see the pain they feel daily and where these people are headed maybe then we’d open our mouths and speak His words.

Maybe we’d care.

I’m sick of apathy. Oh God, forgive me for this. All of it.

I’m praying for change. I’m praying for passion. I’m praying for His glory to be my goal and I’m praying for this apathy and laziness to flee in the powerful name of Jesus Christ.

Because at the end of my life I want to hear Him say, “Well done, My good and faithful servant.”

To hear Him call me His good and faithful servant... those are the sweetest words I could ever hear.

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