I have cried many tears over this.
Tears because I want to do it so badly and tears because I wanted God to answer my prayer.
But God told me no.
He said no... at least for now. And now I’m left to try and get over this.
He knows. He understands.
My heart is broken.
I was perfectly ready to pack up my bags with little to no money, let Him provide for me, share the Gospel with people who have never heard of Him and see the work of God in remote places.
I was ready.
Why would God tell me no? Why would He not show me an opportunity for this thing I desire so greatly and instead point me in a different direction?
I don’t know. I don’t fully understand.
But I know it’s for His glory and my good and so I’m trusting that if He’s lead me to something different then He’s gonna do awesome things in this too.
I still have fantasies about holding sweet babies in Africa. Of sharing the Gospel with people who have beautiful brown skin and perfect black hair. Slowly, but surely I’m handing these too, over to my Lord and knowing that this next year will be a different adventure, one I didn’t plan, but one that He will work in as He has in each year I’ve lived thus far.
Thank You, Lord, for Your strength, healing, and peace in the midst of confusion and heartache. You are good.