12.28.2012

Defeated Before Daybreak

A sense of dread overwhelms me as I roll over.

Not again. Please, Lord, help me.

I don’t know where this sense of dread comes from. It’s not fear or anger... it feels more like regret over something that hasn’t even happened yet.

Weird, I know.

I’ve spent many of the last days fighting off sadness and tears.

I’ve prayed and prayed. Now, I sit in silence. Not angry silence, just don’t know what else to say that I haven’t already voiced.

But God understands this.

We are fragile, broken creatures in need of our Savior. Even when we are at our best, we are still in desperate need of Him.

There are many things unraveled and broken around me. Things I have no clue how to fix or deal with. But then I realized... He does.

He knows exactly where He wants me. He knows exactly how to tell me. I will listen and seek His face.

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I can’t fight this battle.

I really can’t. It is too much for me. Sometimes I need to move on and stop clinging to past decisions. Sometimes I need to let go and push forward in trust.

I’ve learned to seek the truth instead of the lies. To pursue Christ, instead of the enemy. (Don’t go looking for trouble, right?)

I can’t do it, but Christ can. He is in me. He is my strength. He fights for me.

So I’m taking me out of it and looking to Him.

Don’t be afraid to remain silent before Him. Don’t be afraid to tell God that you feel defeated before you even get out of bed. Let Him speak sweet truth over you and then, ask Him to help you choose to believe it.

I’m praying for help in choosing to believe. It’s a fight, y’all. Gotta read and believe and apply the Word.

I will praise Him even in the darkness and the gloom. He is good, I will rest in Him.

“My soul, praise Yahweh, and all that is within me, praise His holy name. My soul, praise the LORD, and do not forget all His benefits.” - Psalm 103:1-2

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I woke up this morning. The dread wasn't as strong. I smiled and told the Lord, "Thank You. Help me believe Your truth."

3 comments:

  1. I relate to this. A lot. The hour right before waking and right before I fall asleep are my most vulnerable moments for Satan to attack because that's when my brain is bleeeah and my guard is lowest. But God promises to give his beloved sleep and to renew us every morning. Praying for you, Tara! <3

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  3. Oh my goodness girl, YES! So often Satan attacks the moment our eyes open, before we even roll out of bed. You are so not alone. But praise God we get EVERY second of the day as an opportunity to say no to Satan and yes to God. What a hard thing to do, though. When the enemy starts reminding you of your past, remind him of HIS future! Because he's the one that will lose! Praying for you sister. <3

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