I sat there squirming.
No, no, no. I don't want to see this. Look away.
But the sound... it remained and it took me to the place I was at a year and a half ago. Alone, hurting, and with my thoughts.
I came home a little upset.
Why did no one warn me?
I would have liked a warning. It would have been nice. I could have prepared myself for the attack that was sure to come after the scenes unfolded on screen.
Instead, I got no warning and the attack was fierce.
I'm trying to get to sleep, but of course my mind keeps coming back to that moment and the moments from before.
I start to cry.
I'm tired, physically and emotionally. I just want my Father, but through these thoughts I can't find Him.
I can't shake this.
I can't shake this. I can't stop it. But You can.
So I prayed. I prayed for help and comfort and for honesty. To be open with my Lord about each and every thing in my life.
And so the battle is won.
Maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow, but because the battle is won forever, I can say with confidence that this too will be taken over by His holiness and grace and I'll be able to sing praises in the midst of it all.
Because nothing has ever been too hard for Him.
Because He loves me and always has.
Because He longs to show mercy.
So I encourage you, brother or sister, to hold on to Him. Cling to Him. I have no idea what you're dealing with; what problems of the heart and mind have gripped you, but I know He can and will help you through. Pray through it. Praise though it. Not on your own, but by His hand.
Nothing is too hard for You, Lord, nothing.