How can I glorify You in this?
A thought and prayer from the past 2 days.
My emotions have been all over the place. I can take the approach of "tell them to shut up" (my emotions that is), but I don't believe in that anymore. I thought it was a good thought, but what if I do that with all the issues in my life? Sin? Unforgiveness? Hate? Then, I would push them down and not deal with them.
Better thought: take them to the cross. Take them to Christ.
There's nothing the Father God can't fix. Nothing to embarrass Him. Nothing to make Him blush.
No, but don't you think you can make God blush sometimes? With your secret sins and your dirty mind?
Nevertheless, He knows your sin. Sees your sin. And He made atonement for it by sending Jesus to die. So why aren't you letting it be atoned for?
I don't do well with feeling down for absolutely no reason. My joy has been missing for the past few days. Some would say I am not finding delight in Christ, hence why my joy is gone. But what if I'm seeking Him and I still feel joyless? Or what if it feels like a spark is trying to start, but then it dies down again?
John Piper has written books about this stuff. It's serious.*
It's why I can't trust in my emotions (though, to be honest, I have at times). It's why I must trust in Him alone.
It's when I don't have strength, when all I want to do is sleep, when I don't feel like getting up out of bed in the morning, or praying, reading the Word, or journaling. It's when I'm weak that I'm most open to His help/strength.
I need Him.
Why do we view this as a bad thing? It is GOOD. So good.
This past week has been a wild one, but it has allowed me to see my great need for my Savior. It has opened my eyes to pride that says I can do it all by myself when I can't. For that, I'm thankful. Like, I literally thanked God for my pain and trials earlier for He has used them to open my eyes. Hallelujah!
I can't save myself, just as you can't.
We all need Christ.
Embrace the broken. Embrace being in pain before the Father. Why? Because He sees and He knows and He's with you even if you can't feel Him. He loves you. No matter what happens we must remind ourselves of this constantly. His love is not based on circumstances. His love is constant because He is constant. When you doubt His love, look to the Cross.
So, tonight I'll probably meet Him for night-time prayer with tears rolling down my face as I have the past 2 nights, because I'm sad and don't know why and I miss Him, and He'll meet me there and whisper words of comfort to my pain and remind me that I'm not forgotten and I'm still His.
I need You, Lord. Always.
To note: I have not read "When I Don't Desire God" or "When The Darkness Does Not Lift", (though I did just order that last one), so I can't tell you what his point of view is or what he says. I'm just saying that I have seen books written by him that prove that maybe this isn't a matter of will, but possibly demonic forces that God has allowed. Maybe.