Getting Real - Monday (night) Reflections
My father hasn't been a very good one.
I say that not to bash him. Rather, it's a fact.
So, when it comes to father/daughter relationships (or any relationships which involves a father) I am clueless.
Problem I've become aware of as of late? My Abba and I have been having issues. I'm the main problem really (obviously), but still it's hard.
I want to know He's always there for me, loving me. I know. I do. Don't I? But if I know that then why is it so hard to accept it? Believe it?
Honesty with God. Honesty with my Father. One and the same, yet I dislike this part.
The part where I sit before Him and cry or babble on and on about how I do have this problem but I don't want to acknowledge it for fear of looking weak (which I am) or for sitting upon His judgement. It's hard for to see judgement and love from God in the same sense as I see judgement and love from people helping orphaned African babies.
Can I get a witness?
Yet, His love and discipline go hand in hand. Yes! Hallelujah!
It's a fact that, though He is a just Judge, He is also a loving Father and those two aspects cannot be separated, nor would we want them to be.
Who wants a Dad who's for rape or murder? Answer: nobody.
After some encouragement from a sister in Christ (who probably has no clue how she has encouraged me in this) I've decided to get real before my Daddy and stop pretending.
It's not that I'm entirely fake before Him, but I like to hide my true feelings sometimes. You know, the "ugly" ones. The unrighteous ones.
Not anymore though. If I can't be real before Him, the One who made me and knows me better than myself than who can I be real with?
Have you struggled with this too? What's your story?