It's #NEDAwareness Week. To be honest, I haven't shared a thing about it (sorry!), but I thought I'd share a little bit of my struggle because of that.
When I was a child I began finding satisfaction in food. Like, real satisfaction (or so it seemed, it was actually just temporary). I would hide food around the house, I would eat massive portions, and as I got older, the weight came with me. I packed on the pounds. The more I saw myself, the more I hated myself and the more I ate.
This is real life for me. I was being defined by my pants size, my portion size, and the number that was on the scale.
My life revolved around when I ate and how much I ate.
When I came to Christ I wasn't eating quite so much and I'd learned the value in a little exercise, but still I struggled with eating too much and my thoughts were being consumed by it all over again.
I found 'The Lord's Table' course last year (I think?) and God really used that to open my eyes to the sin of gluttony. No one really talks about it. I mean, have you ever been to a church service that listed gluttony along with sex, gossip, impure speech, etc. in their list of sins? 'Cause I sure haven't.
So I went through this course and found a lot of freedom, but let's come to the present time: February 2013. I've noticed patterns starting to creep back in and the fear of being too fat and looking bad (in my eyes) has crept back in and the desire to eat more than I should has roared it's ugly head again.
I was tempted to get mad at myself and probably throw myself into a binge, but instead I've turned to God. I've turned to being honest with Him and telling Him that right now is a really rough season and I need Him.
And He knows that. I think once we're honest with God it's like He can really begin working in us because we've chosen to not work against Him anymore. But that's not to say He's not working in a person who wants nothing to do with Him, because He does what He wills. He pursues us.
So, while I'm still learning to see food as just food and not an idol, and while it's a daily battle for me, I walk in victory because of Christ. Take Him away and I'll fall right back in to old patterns.
If you're in a battle with food, God is with you. He knows your battles and sins and He sent His Son so that we can be free from all that and He does want you to be free. I encourage you to check out 'The Lord's Table' course and I want to encourage you not to let the mirror or the scale define you. Go to God's Word. Psalm 139 hits the spot, y'all!
Oh, how He loves us. :)