I want to be honest.
Oh my, y'all. I want to be completely honest with you, with God, with my friends, with my family.
But I hate being told I'm wrong or that they've been there too and you'll get out of "it" eventually (whatever "it" is). Or that no one knows what the heck you're talking about so they just smile and look at you wondering what you're talking about.
I'm tired. So tired.
I'm tired of not knowing all the proper theologies and sometimes I don't want to. I mean, I love to learn, but can't I just learn at His pace and not at theirs?
Can we leave room for grace? Grace that says, though you are ignorant now, He will open your eyes and your heart and you won't be lost anymore because He's with you.
Sometimes I stop myself from posting things such as these. To avoid the confrontation. Not really from you, my reader friends, but from God. I guess that's called running.
But you know, even when I don't post these things He knows. He knows how I'm feeling, He knows my heart, He knows those petty little thoughts I have.
I just want to live in this little land of rainbows where there is no pain and where I believe all His truth and where I don't wrestle every single day with some new lie.
But that world isn't here yet. He'll bring it to pass one day, but until then I must trust and obey and deal with these things and endure.
Can that be the word of the month? I've been doing a study on Revelation with Dr. David Platt. Last one I listened to he talks about endurance to the end. Following Christ to the very end. I read Hebrews 3:14 and write it on sticky note and commit to memorizing it because, friends, that's what I need right now.
Because I'm tired and life is hectic and I don't really know what I'm doing, but He does and so I know I can trust Him. There are many loose ends that haven't even begun to show how they're going to come together and I don't know. I just don't.
But He knows. Oh, He knows.
I trust You, Lord. I trust You.
I don't know where you are, but I want to encourage you to continue in Him. Continue despite the fact that your family thinks your nuts, or your friends have ditched you, or you're tired. He is with us. We can't do it alone, but with God all things are possible.
Let's believe together.