12.30.2013

2013 - a look back.

2013 has flown by in some ways and in others it seemed like it would. never. end.

Either way I have been extremely, extremely blessed this year and I praise God for it all.

This year I was faced with the choice to stay or move and I chose to move and was blessed with one incredible church family I would have never known existed. They are so precious and probably have no idea how much they encourage me to walk closer with Jesus and live life.

This year I also faced one of the biggest tests of my faith yet. I was pierced with questions and anxiety like you wouldn't believe and I wasn't sure I was gonna make it out. By the grace of God, I stand. Hallelujah.

I learned to love a little better, smile a little more, never underestimate the power of a hug, that "awkwardness" can actually be a good thing, that no one is perfect and it's a filthy lie from Satan to expect perfection from yourself or others when Jesus is that perfect for us. I learned that some of the sweetest times can be the most chill, and that it's totally okay to go see a movie twice in theaters because you liked it (hello, Frozen!).

I have been cradled by my Abba this year and nourished by Him. Seriously, there are times this year that I can only say I kept moving forward because He was there pushing me on.

There were days where the only verse I could repeat to myself over and over again was Isaiah 30:15,

"This is what the Sovereign Lord, the Holy One of Israel, says:
“In repentance and rest is your salvation,
    in quietness and trust is your strength..."

And so I would go forth in trust and quietness because that's all I could do.

God is faithful to lead us out and though I don't understand how that works or what that may look like in your life or even in mine, I know He will. That's faith for today and let's pray faith for 2014. To God be the glory. Amen.

12.29.2013

Burning Sky - Book Review

Willa Obenchain is one frustrating, beautiful, fearful, courageous woman. I found myself a lot in her as I read Burning Sky.

Willa is caught up in two worlds. One she is running from, the other she is running towards. Both collide and drama ensues.

After discovering her parents home, she clearly figures out that they aren't there and begins a journey that ends with so much more than just finding the destination of her parents.

I had a hard time putting this book down. It's definitely a page turner. I think women will particularly like this book because Willa is a woman we can all identify with. She's afraid to love, yet she longs to be loved so much. She's courageous and willing to sacrifice her comforts for those she loves (though it takes her a while to get around to understanding the love part... but you'll ha
ve to read the book to figure that out. ;) ).

Pick up a copy and get to reading. Cheers!

*Note: I received a free copy of this book for the exchange of a review. All views expressed are mine.

12.18.2013

The daddy wound unopened; opened.

My dad was never present in my life. Not my earthly dad at least. I don't talk about it too much. I don't like playing the victim, seeing it as the problem it has been in my life.

But yesterday that changed.

A person I deemed trustworthy proved not to be and the words he spoke stung like a dagger in my already wounded heart.

I went to more people I trusted, to be comforted by a woman and let down by more words spoken from a man. The message spoken to my fragile heart?

I can always trust the women better than the men.

And my life has been filled with many, many times where this has shown. It wasn't a friend's mother who came behind and exploited my womanly figure, it was a friend's father. A father.

Ah, and people wonder why I can't make decisions, simple, "insignificant" decisions, and be confident in them. Every choice is met with a question, "Are you pleased, Daddy?" "Is this right, Papa?" "Are you mad?" "Do You love me?"

To believe that I am accepted merely because of the sacrifice Jesus made is one of the greatest battles I will ever face and yet it is also one of the most life changing truths I will ever hear or know.

Not being able to work my way into the Kingdom is both a freedom and a struggle. Struggling because my whole life has been filled with attempts to earn a father who loves me only to realize I do in fact have a Father who loves me.

Whoa.

This Christmas time has been filled with anything but warm fuzzies. My entire year has been filled with anything but warm fuzzies. But He is making me slowly, but surely into His child. His child.

So the daddy wound unopened, was opened yesterday and it hurts like you wouldn't believe and it's scary because I don't know who to trust and the fear can sometimes paralyze me into wondering what to do, but I have a Heavenly Father who sees and knows and understands completely and He will help me. That's grace for today.

12.12.2013

Ramblings...

I'm not nearly as confident as people perceive me and I'm neither as humble as people perceive and I wish sometimes I could change both in me but for now I'm as I am.

I'm supposed to have it all figured out, right? This path I'm walking should be straight and narrow and uncomplicated? Hmm... it seems more crooked, dark, scary, and much, much more complicated than it should be.

But I have an adventurers heart that wanders from time-to-time and takes risks because as long as they're not sin, it's okay, right?

3 days ago I was as happy and ecstatic as a girl could be. 3 days ago I was comfortable, confident, and peppy. Today? Not today. Today I'm confused, lonely, panic-y. My heart is racing and my mind won't shut up. I have this problem with over thinking things and questioning every. move. I. make. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse.

Today I'm reminding myself and you that God will take care of us. He will calm the quaking, fearful heart. Maybe not instantly, but He will calm it. That's my hope for today. And tomorrow.  And forever.

Lord, please bring Your peace to us. 

12.10.2013

Love is risky, and scary, and...

Love is risky. Love is scary.

Loving God and loving others and inviting others into your life to love you. All of it is so. super. scary.

But we don't tell people that usually, do we? Naw. 'Cause love in the movies says it's always perfect, always beautiful, never messy, never hard, never unsure, never confused, never awkward, never... fill-in-the-blank.

But that love isn't real. That love is false.

True love is laying down your life. True Love laid down His life on a cross for you and for me.

It blows my mind. Why? Because I'm such a selfish, immature, sometimes annoying person.

But I follow this True Love in laying down my life (or at least attempting to) and learning to give selflessly to Him and to others. I get it wrong a lot more than I get it right, but I'm blessed to have a gracious Savior.