One moment of weakness.
Regret, feelings of panic rise.
Thank God for His voice and conviction.
Conversation for half an hour ensues. "How can we glorify God and keep Him the center?" Ideas flow. Prayer was offered and life moves on.
In His grace He turns the ugly and the mess ups into beauty, redemption, and a tool that draws us closer to Him and further from the things that bind. Thank God.
Morning dawns. Regret fills, shame blasts me. Satan attacks.
Pssh! You? Holy? God's child? Yeah, right. Remember __________? How do you expect to glorify God after that?
Hmm. Those thoughts filled and filled and I began to wonder and God began to release mercy and grace over my troubled heart. He redeems. He works. He is constantly shaping us for His glory. Me holy? Yeah. But not because of me. Because of Him. Because of Jesus. He took the cross and chose to clothe me in a robe of righteousness instead of a crown of thorns.
I would love to live a perfect life. To be able to stand before Jesus completely faultless because I escaped sin but the actuality is I won't. I will fail. Do I want to? No. Will I? Yeah.
My issue for years has been running. I'm a great runner (I'm not talking physically, 'cause y'all, I'm slow when I go run... yeah. :P What I'm talking about is spiritually and emotionally), but relationships take work and so you can either run from all struggles or face them, no matter how ugly, and depend on His strength.
By God's grace I will do the latter and attempt not to do the former... in His strength.
"Seek the Lord and his strength;
seek his presence continually!" - Psalm 105:4
So I already messed up in the new year, BUT one mistake will not define or set the tone for this year. Because on my own, no I'm not holy. But maybe instead of turning holiness into a list of "I do _____, _____, and _________." and "I didn't do __________, _________, or ___________." we should realize holiness for what it is, or rather Who, the precious Messiah taking our place so we can be free to choose Him day after day no matter the mess up. Whoa. That's soooo freeing and exciting! Thank You, Jesus!
Happy new year! Messed up already? Depend on Him. Repent and move forward. He's got you.