I'm on chapter 3 now in Finding Spiritual Whitespace and this journey to spiritual rest is already difficult, but it's also a blessing.
Bonnie Gray writes these words on page 48,
''So, I taught myself that day: I do not need to receive to be happy. Avoiding pain and figuring out whom to please was more important.''
I recognize this sentence. It's very familiar to my soul. Why? Because I learned it too. I learned saying, ''I'm okay.'' and ''No, thank you.'' was better than opening my heart to rejection or disapproval from someone.
And my life continues in this crazy pace of trying so hard and doing so much and realizing over and over again that I. just. can't.
No matter how hard I try, somebody will eventually get displeased or "that thing" won't work like I want it to, or I'll still be carrying those 15 extra pounds and hearing those words, ''You're so fat.'' again.
Jesus says receive.
Receive My gifts.
I confused being a servant and self-denial with starving my soul and never stopping to take a break.
But as He says, ''Come.'' so I say, ''Help me, Daddy.''