9.25.2014

Let go, fix your thoughts, get over yourself, and rest (what I've learned)

Today I cried. I cried because anxiety had me bent double and the thoughts in my head were swirling so greatly... all in the wrong direction.

They don't like me.

I'm so out of place.

I don't belong anywhere.

Nobody wants me.

Nobody loves me.

The problem? Everything revolves around me. My thinking is too much about me. My mindset is: how can I please me? What makes me happy? What do people think of ME?

Then there's God.

Do people see HIM in me? Is HIS love made known through me even when the insecurities are thriving? Does HE get the praise through the good and the bad?

My mom gave me great advice today. She said, 'Don't let those problems ruin your time today. Let them go.' Amen. And I cried sobbed for 10 minutes after. I told God, I don't know how to let go. But slowly, one breath at a time, one intentional moment after another, thankfulness sprouted and peace... however little, made a home in my heart.

So, yes, I am an overly emotional, heart-on-her-sleeve, somewhat over-reacts drama queen/diva at times, but it's not about me. It's about Him. It's about Cristo. Today, I'm reminded to let go, place my thoughts on Him, get over myself, and rest. Thank You, Jesus, for the encouragers in my life.

9.23.2014

Thankfulness

Thankfulness.

Does giving thanks in your every day life come as hard to you as it does to me?

I mean, I've read the books, the Psalms, the "cool quotes", and yet that doesn't help me too/too much in actively giving thanks to the Lord.

But thankfulness opens the door to contentment and happiness where you are. Thankfulness opens the door to hope.

For a few months doubt, pain, anxiety, and bitterness has come into my mind and heart. The Lord has been gracious enough to show me this and then in and through His grace has helped me to pray for help in giving thanks - and then to do it.

Answered prayer: joy! Thanks has opened the door to joy and peace. God has helped me to get over my need for control and helped me to love better.

So maybe you're a little bitter tonight, and maybe this week has just stunk (and we've only been in it 3 days!). Have you tried giving thanks to the Lord anyway? Have you asked for help to give thanks to Him? Yes, it's hard, but oh the joy that waits at the end of those prayers.

9.20.2014

Diva in waiting...?

Sometimes I am such a diva. Where this comes from, I have no idea. I've always been a bit of a rebel and a bit of a go-getter, but when that go-getter attitude starts to become a prideful, I-know-more-than-you mindset, I'm ready for it to GO.

Last night I spent a couple hours in tears. Sometimes life just seems too hard. I forget to repeat Bible verses to myself. I fall into a pity-party and trying to get out... well the hole just seems to dig deeper.

And I don't like that version of myself. I hope it's not who I truly am. During those times, it's hard to tell where this stuff comes from and where it's going and when will it come back.

But every morning I read His Word and pray for help to understand it. I pray for help in living it out. I pray for help in loving more like Him and looking more like Him. I pray for healing in the deep, dark, so wounded crevices.

And I wait.

I wait for diva me to be redeemed.
I wait for patience to build.
I wait for love to overcome.
I wait for peace to heal the thumping in my heart.
I wait for calm in the storms.
I wait for deliverance.
I wait for Jesus.

He will come just as rain comes. Hold on. Give thanks. Thankfulness is an arrow that can penetrate the ugly. He can turn the ugly into beauty for His glory. Hallelujah.

9.09.2014

Honest.

Have you ever gotten to that point where everything looks black? Like life can't be good because all you find yourself in are messes on tops of messes?

And you know that you have a lot to be thankful for. You hear it in church all the time and you really do try to have a good attitude but you're tired and sad and life seems like it's not worth living because shame follows you around like a shadow.

Been there?

Yeah, me too.

Too many times than I'd care to admit.

It's hard. Life. Love. Grace. The Christian life.

Was it supposed to come easy? Were you meant to face challenge after challenge? Would life be worth it if it was all easy?

Question after question comes to mind.

Last night I cried for probably 2 hours after facing the same obstacle I've faced for the past 4 years and it seems like I continue to hit the same wall every year.

But the light is coming.

I'm having trouble seeing the positive and choosing it but I'm thankful for the struggle. This struggle is showing me how helpless I am and how much I NEED God.

I was raised to be independent and rely on myself and now I'm seeing the struggles in that. I struggle to rely on God and not go my own way.

His grace is enough and He is enough even when the dark surrounds and even when you have to make the best out of what seems to be nothing, and you don't know how to believe that God has got you. He does have you though. Honest. It might not seem like it now, but please hold on, He will come.